The Email
June 25th, 2009
So, my boyfriend’s mom sent him this email prior to a weekend with her and her mother….
Dear xxxxxx,
When you come to Mooresville please bring my black computer cord. I think I left it in your bedroom. Also, there is a blue Delta blanket on the couch which I brought there. Could you bring that too?
There is a problem about mom’s house and you may want to stay in Thomas’ house after the first night. Mom’s toilet doesn’t flush big number twos. I had to wrap mine up in plastic bags and newspapers last night and put it in the garbage. It is really terrible but she has a toilet designed to use less water, for economy purposes. I try to go elsewhere if possible and you should too.
Also, mom doesn’t want you and Jane sleeping in the same room because you are not married. Jane can sleep in the room with me and you can either have the other guest room or sleep on the porch with Milly. I’ll try to get a sleeping bag from Thomas.
I am planning on making a vegetarian chilli pot for Jane. There is also ham and cheese for sandwiches and plenty of yoplait. You are to help yourselves to the refrigerator.
Talk to you soon.
Love, Mom
(submitted by anonymous)
“Sorry, but I’m going to be staying in the Motel 6. At least they have power flushing.”
This woman could possibly become Jane’s mother-in-law. Sharing this on a worldwide stage – probably not the best way for Jane to build trust in the relationship.
Seeing what she’s potentially going to, and how horrible she is at checking who her E-Mails go to, I think I don’t mind so much.
oh man, you guys are so funny!
Given the existence of the guest bedroom, why is she even mentioning the porch option? Is he especially close to the dog??
Borat?
so is dropping big number twos is a hereditary thing?
I’ve always been under the impression that women didn’t go #2.
Your mama raised you right, young man.
Do NOT go home!
If you see home, GO THE OTHER WAY!
At least she didn’t tell us about her booger collection.
I would rather hear about a booger collection anyday as opposed to description of fecal removal techniques.
I’d have to say they’re equally awkward. Anybody wanna hear about what just came out of my nose from laughing?
Shut it down Mom, too much information!
I’ve never tried vegetarian chili, but if it’s anything like the regular stuff I wouldn’t want everyone’s #2′s wrapped up in newspaper and laying in the trash can.
Chili may have been a bad choice.
“It’s so damn hot… milk was a bad choice.”
“Hey Kid, here’s a dollar. Will you get away from us now?”
I am LOVING the stories people are sharing. Almost more than the pics! Great site!
“Mom’s toilet doesn’t flush big number twos. I had to wrap mine up in plastic bags and newspapers last night and put it in the garbage. ”
OMG. There goes my appetite until 2010.
Hmmm, what’s worse, traveling out to go #2 or having to sleep with Milly (let’s hope it’s a dog?) on the porch?
I can totally see my mom writing this e-mail.
Who’s Milly? The dog? Just what he wants to do…sleep on the porch with the freaking dog! Oy vey. And don’t s*** in Grandma’s toilet!!
“I had to wrap mine up in plastic bags and newspapers last night and put it in the garbage.”
Did she put the newspapers on the floor and hover, or did she fish her business out of the toilet?
I mean, either way it’s….. awkward
omg, my mother-in-law has an identical twin …
Sounds like a fantastic week-end they’re going to have…
Toilet’s problems and vegetarian chilli. It sounds like a fun weekend to me.
What a warm welcome.
Thanks for the warning!
Dear Mom,
Please wash your hand before you make Jane’s vegetarian chili.
Love,
Sonny
That should be “hands.” It would be beyond awkward if mommy had only one hand.
If she doesn’t wash her hands then it won’t qualify as “Vegetarian” now will it?
Oh crap, I am dying over here! I cannot stop laughing!
Clearly a family you want to get more involved with.
At least Little Number Twos don’t need to be wrapped in newspapers.
Oh wow. That’s pretty awkward when your mom comes out and admits that she goes #2. But then when she goes on to say that it was a big deuce and describe the shameful way it was removed and disposed of.. Wow.
So, apparently Mom refers to herself in the third person??
Boyfriend’s mother was referring to the grandmother, her own mother.
I assume at that point she’s talking about HER mom, aka his grandmother.
Really, mom, this isn’t the 50s.
The third person is general is flat out awkward.
SO wrong — on SO many levels!
Wow! this sounds like an email from my Mom. Is there a Holiday Inn nearby?!?>!?!?
Um, great story, but anonymity fail, there Jane.
Unless “Jane” is really “Susan” or even “Bill” staying with his girlfriend.
I wanted to stop reading after I reached the words “…big number twos…”, but it was too late.
Like a wreck on the side of the highway, I just couldn’t look away.
May God forgive me.
ROFL! You are sooooo right!
Only one thing to say… TMI
Oooohh….sounds like it will be a fun visit!
OH! OH! OH! Way too much information about her number twos!
Oh Lord…sounds like a stellar weekend visit! Please tell me you stayed at the Motel 8!
OMG. I think I am going to HURL. The thought of mom fishing out what she broke off in the toilet bowl….*ick*
OH CRAP
your comment made me laugh out loud!!!!!!
Aww, come on. I’m sure she used the plastic bag as a glove….right?
sounds like between the chili, ham and cheese and yoplait that he should also bring plenty of plastic bags and newspaper
So, Jane’s supposed to poop in the vegetarian chili pot and the boyfriend gets the fridge?
I hope the yoplait isn’t really activia.
This is the best, most awkward email EVER!!!!!!
I hate those low-flow toilets. I love power flushes!
“Oh shoot, mom! I just found out that I have this big deal meeting at work and I CANNOT miss it. Hopefully, we can all get together with Grammy some other time. I think I have some vacation days coming in 2012, around the end of September.” I like the mom’s decisive disposal of her feces. I don’t know that I would go to such lengths myself.
Awful (not awkward) in so many ways.
hahaha — that is great! Nothing like making some “vegetarian chilli pot” after taking care of business…
Given the plumbing situation, I’d say Mum’s on the right track with the chili and yoplait. This is gonna be a long weekend.
That sounds like something many of my family members would write. Excepting the part about no premarital co sleeping, I’d write something like that. I guess I’m awkward.
There’s a whole lotta awkwardness going on in that story. And is Milly the dog?
no Millie is his sister