Awkward Family Story: Sofa Shopping

July 7th, 2009

When I was 15 my parents finished part of our basement to make a ‘hangout’ area for me to bring friends over. I couldn’t wait to be out of the eyeline of my parents so I could bring boys over and makeout. We were shopping for sofas and they asked me what I liked better, the sectional or a regular couch. I blurted out, “I like the sexual!” in front of the salespeople and my parents. Oh, it was so awkward.

(submitted by Stephanie)

82 Responses to “Awkward Family Story: Sofa Shopping”

  1. j_bryon says:

    Well, at least Stephanie was honest!

  2. Cathy says:

    Ooooooohhh, that’s bad… Most stories aren’t very awkward, but this one? ;P

  3. Kate says:

    Oh wow, that sucks haha. As my friends and I like to say, that wasn’t a Freudian Slip, that was a Freudian Fall-down-the-stairs!
    I bet your parents were a little less sure about the “unsupervised” part after that! :D

  4. MJ Klein says:

    i was at my physical therapist’s office, going over my case. she was telling her co-worker that i suffered a “ruptured di*k” meaning to say “disc.” awkward x100!

  5. baxter says:

    back during the “virginia tech massacre”, a girl from my Bible Study (shut up) asked if we heard about the “vagina tech” massacre. It sounds insensitive but I could tell it was a freudian slip and not intentional. What was awkward about it is that freudian slips are usually things we’re thinking about. Why would she be thinking about vaginas at Bible study?

  6. Pepper says:

    I teach sophomores in high school. I try to mix it up in our English class, so one day we were playing a vocabulary game with playground balls purchased at ShopRite. Minutes until the bell, the students were now pegging each other with the balls and throwing at desks, walls, etc. This situation prompts me to say, “If you can’t handle playing with your balls, I’m going to take them away for the rest of the year.”
    They laughed until the bell rang.

  7. Wenchy McWench says:

    I worked at the local sandwich shop while in high school. An elderly couple was ordering sandwiches at the drive through, with “everything, plus hot peckers.” I could hear him and his wife bust out laughing so hard he couldn’t even correct himself. Keeping up with them, I replied, “I don’t think we sell those here, sir.” They laughed even harder.

    I’d never seen redder faces than theirs when they drove up to get their sandwiches, complete with hot “peppers”. Cute couple.

  8. smee says:

    I teach fourth grade, One day, a boy brought a basketball and a football from home to play with at recess. While we were lining up to go outside, another kid named Cameron walked over and started picking up the basketball and football and acting like he was going to take them away. Kid number one screams out at the top of his lungs, “HEY CAMERON! STOP TOUCHING MY BALLS!” I think I sustained internal injuries from trying not to laugh.

  9. elle says:

    Bwhahahaha….paging Dr. Freud…

  10. lm6002 says:

    ok, so I was running late to the office after a meeting and shoved a sandwich down my face while driving. got on the elevator and decided to have some water to swish between my teeth so I wouldn’t have bread stuck in between. Well, in the process, I accidently squirted a little out of my mouth and hit the lady standing in the elevator with me on her arm. She looked up at the ceiling to see where the liquid had come from. Embarrassed to say all I did was look up too. Just couldn’t think of a way to say what had actually happened.

  11. Stephanie says:

    I was working retail during our busy season and my poor co-worker was so frazzled, alternating between answering the phone “…how can I help you?” and greeting people coming through her line “…what can I do for you today?” ….it was only a matter of time before she answered the phone with a cheery: “how can I do you today?”

  12. Stace says:

    I was working at K-mart for a short time. As a customer was leaving, I bade her good-bye with the obligatory, “Thank you for shopping at Wal Mart!! Completely spaced it out!…luckily, she had a good sense of humor. I still giggle at that!

  13. panda says:

    I was on the phone to my boss one day, not really paying much attention because I was reading a newspaper at the same time. Just as I read a headline that included the word “Body” I tried to ask “Can you give Peter my shift?” and ended up saying “Can you give Peter my body?”. Then I couldn’t stop laughing long enough to tell her why I said it.

  14. chris says:

    when i was backpacking through europe i worked in an english pub for a short time. when they had finished their lunch i asked a table of three very proper old ladies would they like any desert. one of the very proper old ladies looked up and asked me if i had spotted dick. i was speechless! apparently spotted dick is a desert in england. awkward!

    • emm says:

      ahh,yes…. *grin*

    • Tocsnai says:

      Spotted Dick is a pudding. The sailors in Patrick O’Brian’s Aubrey-Maturin novels are always making awful-sounding dishes like it.

      I believe it involves suet as one of the main ingredients.

  15. emm says:

    reminds me of when i was in highschool and i had a potential new boyfriend over to the house to watch a football game. we were sitting in the den with my dad, and my mom brought us little bowls of cocktail peanuts. my dad, caught up in conversation with the boy, put his bowl on the end table where my golden retriever immediately discovered it. all of a sudden, the guy yells out to my dad “watch it, sir, the dog is sniffing your nuts.” i almost died. needless to say it was the most awkward game i have ever watched in my life.

  16. Ann O. Nymous says:

    I once told my father to “wait a sec”, to which he (rhetorically) replied, “what do you mean, wait a sec?” I blurted, “You know about secs, don’t you?”

  17. frizzle says:

    okay here is mine. I was counting out cash to a HOT guy one day and instead of saying “six”, I said “sex.” I blushed for the next week.

  18. thelocket says:

    I worked at an ice cream shop, and you wouldn’t believe the number of older ladies that asked for one d*ck of chocolate instead of one dip of chocolate. Some wouldn’t even notice they slipped up! Never understood why they wouldn’t just say scoop… subliminal longing I suppose.

  19. Stephanie says:

    Wow, I submitted this thinking it wouldn’t make the cut. Now I can relive some of the embarrassment when I send the link to my dad. The saleslady giggled and my parents didn’t just laugh, they BUSTED out laughing, enough to turn heads in the store. I was mortified. WVBOBW and laurie have the right idea… we did end up getting the “sexual,” but it was reaaaaaally hard bring my little boyfriend around the first time. My dad made the rule that we had to leave the door at the top of the stairs open at all times, which I was totally fine with considering my Freudian slip.

    And thanks, Jeff! I did the same thing, calling my 1st grade teacher “Grandma,” which wouldn’t have been so bad except she was probably only like 28 years old.

    And while we’re on the subject, after I submitted this yesterday, my coworker got a voicemail from a lady looking for a job and she wrapped it up with, “Okay, thanks! Love you! Talk to you soon!” We replayed it about 15 times! :D

  20. Leghound says:

    Anybodt ever eat at Fuddruckers?

    • Wicki says:

      One of my friends claims the only time she cussed in her life was when she got tongue-twisted trying to say Fuddruckers. I don’t believe her lie.

  21. karn mulva says:

    Speaking of akward work stoires, a friend of mine worked at a paint store that was run out of an old home where they stored extra supplies on the second floor. One day a painter came in to pick up some stuff: paint, rollers, caulking, brushes. She said “Here is your paint, but I have to run upstairs to grab your caulk”. True. Awkward. Awkwork.

  22. Jennifer says:

    A highschool friend of mine went to a fancy restaurant with her parents and ordered, “dried f**K” instead of “fried duck.”

    • jensco says:

      ouch – that would be embarrassing. My mom would pass out in the floor!

    • Wicki says:

      This is my fave! What’s funniest about these is imagining the faces of the poor innocent bystanders who happen to hear these things!

  23. Coli says:

    Totally not fake! I work as a cashier, and you really never know what’s gonna come out! This girl I work with had a lady with huge hair come through, and she kept saying to herself “Don’t say anything about her hair” over and over, and finally she said, Thank you, have a great hair” no freaking joke. She could write a book of awkwardness!

  24. Cherriej says:

    Oh… so awkward… I remember the time when my boyfriend and I wanted to go to the drive-in movie and I had to ask my mom’s permission (this was back in the 70′s). My boyfriend was with me when I asked her and she said “”No. I know what goes on at the drive-in… we used to call those the passion pit”. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

  25. laurie says:

    Her parents then proceeded to steer clear of all sofas with pull-out beds.

  26. Cee says:

    Oh that’s hilarious! It’s like mistaking the word “condo” for “condom” to one’s parent.. ackward!

    • Melba says:

      How about ‘orgasm’ for ‘organism’?

      • Gail says:

        My dad once confused mastication with masturbation.

      • Jenisis Rose says:

        This totally happened in my high school science class when someone was reading out-loud from the text book. The poor boy turned flush red and everyone but the teacher laughed. Stuck up prude. :P

        • Rick says:

          a long time ago in science class, we were reading about the characteristics of yeast. a guy in my class raised his hand and asked the teacher what a yeast infection was. so while the class is snickering in the back, the teacher starts talking about pH balance and not once mentioning what or where the infection occurs.

          that was awkward…

  27. Kate says:

    Holy Crap… that IS awkward. Sounds like the time I told my mother that my boss had prostitute cancer when I meant to say prostate cancer.

  28. Jeff says:

    Stephanie, as someone who once accidentally called a teacher “Dad” in front of his whole class, my heart goes out to you.

    • Tocsnai says:

      Jeff, you may have felt terribly awkward at that moment. The teacher, however, will go to his grave remembering that moment with worthy pride.

      Unless she was a woman.

    • Binky says:

      Ha! Thanks Jeff, that’s funnier than the story to me!! How old were you?

    • dramaking says:

      I TOTALLY did that too. So mortifying and awkward.

    • Jacob says:

      I also once called my teacher Mum in front of the whole class. Soooo embarrassing.

    • Emay says:

      I have done that so many times! I even once called a boyfriend “dad” by accident…so awkward.

    • Stacey says:

      I have taught K-12 and been called mom by students in almost every grade. The high school boys turn such a cute shade of red when they slip up. It’s sweet!! :)

      • ali says:

        sometime when my boyfriend is pestering me when I’m trying to do something I accidentally call him my dog’s name! haha.

        • DancingDeity says:

          Lol well never called my teacher my mom or dad but i had the same first name as one of my teachers and so when ever another teacher came in and said “phil” we both turned and said yes at the same time… it didn’t help that most of the kids thought him an odd ball cause he would dance while feeding the fish in the class room.

    • Liam says:

      sounds like thats happened to a lot of people, guy in school called a teacher mum in class. All boys school. Was very cringeworthy and hilarious but you have to feel sorry them.

    • Alyssa says:

      I win, I called the teacher Grandma, because I happened to be thinking about the fact we were going to my grandma’s birthday party after school.


  29. WVBOBW says:

    and her next date was when she turned 21….

  30. MareBear says:

    In my family we would have cracked up laughing. Not awkward, just plain funny! My mother would have said, “Me too!”

    • Cee says:

      Yeah, it depends on the family. My parents turn a scarlett red and change the subject.

    • Melisa D. says:

      My parents would just give me the LOOK. I don’t know whose I’m more scared of: my mom’s or my dad’s. And then my dad wouldn’t speak to me for days. And with my mom it would just be … awkward.

  31. BroadwayBohemia says:

    Sounds like me.

  32. karn mulva says:

    AAAHHHHHH! Awkwardly awsome!!!

  33. Becky says:

    That doesn’t sound real. Sounds more like something you would find in a sitcom on TV.

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