Awkward Family Story: The Funeral

July 14th, 2009

When I was pregnant with my first child, my Grandma passed away. I didn’t have anything to wear to the funeral, so I had to settle on a low-cut maternity blouse that made my breasts look enormous and made me very self-conscious. After the funeral, one of my aunts approached me and in front of the entire family, loudly announced: “You are getting a fabulous chest!!!” I turned six shades of red and blurted out defensively, “I can’t help it. Since I’ve been pregnant, I’ve gone up a couple of cup sizes.” She was actually referring to a chest of drawers that I had unknowingly inherited….um…yeah…very awkward.

(submitted by Lori)

59 Responses to “Awkward Family Story: The Funeral”

  1. BBBB says:

    yeah, ok.

  2. LINDA says:

    you would be surprised what is being descused at a funeral, everything from cakes, to bibles.

  3. Erica says:

    great story. Hahah.

  4. Bill #2 says:

    Definitely fake

  5. Bill says:

    Reminds me of an old aunt of mine. Knew exactly what every elderly person in the family who died was giving to who. When she would find out one of these folks was in poor health she would go to visit, but the only thing she would talk about was who was getting what. Got thrown out of several homes over her life time. No one ever left her a thing. She died without a will.

  6. Kiwi says:

    Gee guys – shame on you regulars for being distracted by the whole Boy Scout thing. Down here our Kiwi cubs don’t have anything so grand so maybe that helped (we prefer something a little more understated – slap on the back and a “good on ya mate”). This is so clearly a historic moment – you’d pose for a family photo too if you’d just discovered the first ancestral van Helsing arrow (circa 1892) fired from the family’s first bow with its string made of thousand-ply bison tail hair handtwisted over a long hard winter by grandma.

  7. Leghound says:

    Back in aunts day chests were furniture.Bosoms were neither shown or discussed in public.
    You go,Auntie.

  8. Brennan says:

    It could have been worse…your grandma could have left a nice gun rack, or antique jugs

  9. ang says:

    very funny – only story that has made me laugh so far

  10. Moeknowsg says:

    I am crying. My stomach hurts. My favorite part is the “I can’t help it…”

  11. Steve says:

    A picture would really hammer this story home, i think.

  12. jerry says:

    . . . at which point I (if I had been her husband) would have snaked by arm around her and made some very smart-a**ed remark about how thoroughly I enjoyed this fabulous chest as well. After all, some things a man is just proud of!

  13. No says:

    Again, boring.

  14. laughing_hard says:

    Best. Story. On. This. Site. Period.

  15. Stellabella says:

    Great story! Great writing of your “awkward story”–I laughed out loud!

  16. Homer says:

    D’oh!

  17. Knight of Cydonia says:

    That is too hilarious! :D

  18. jason says:

    I do believe this requires a photo as well.

  19. fearbiter says:

    Now THAT’S a good awkward story! Good on you Lori for showing them how it’s done!

  20. Sharona says:

    This is just hilarious :) It totally made my day!
    I’m glad you can laugh about it now!!

  21. Ashley says:

    The most embarrassing and awkward moments occurred when I was pregnant. I keep imagining the aunt saying this in the price is right announcer voice.

  22. Marie says:

    Best. Awkward Story. Ever.

  23. GW says:

    Oh, that’s hysterical! Poor you!!

  24. Ry says:

    BWAHAHAHAA! Awesome!

  25. TattingChic says:

    Oh, that is hilarious! Thank you for the much needed chuckle! How embarrassing, indeed! :)

  26. kiwanji says:

    This didn’t come with a photo attached???? lol

  27. Ash says:

    Sounds way too sitcom-y to be real. I think this story has been photoshopped.

  28. Melisa D. says:

    Oh that’s awesome.

  29. Dodo says:

    This is so awkward…and funny. You made my day!

  30. Ani says:

    This one is fantastic!

  31. IAmNoOne says:

    Wow i have enver known anyone to inherit two diffrent chests so soon together.

  32. Frank says:

    Um-smooooooth moment

    • JP says:

      Yeah – completely cringe making; but she’s looking back and laughing, so all’s well! And it’s a great story… :D

  33. Penny says:

    Oh that is a GREAT story! Thank you for sharing Lori and I hope you have made good use of the chest…

  34. PatientVengeance says:

    I totally blame the Aunt for this one. Whenever someone talks about my fabulous chest I certainly don’t automatically think they’re discussing my furniture! Besides she should feel proud to be sporting a nice rack… Don’t get offended, maybe I’m discussing the antlers on her living room wall!

    • Jennifer says:

      I agree. And who talks about the inheritance at the funeral.

    • Doc says:

      Lol! And you’re exactly right–the word “dresser” is a better choice because it lacks the ambiguity of “chest.”

      • RSH says:

        Yeah, I have to admit that my first thought when I read this was that it was extremely tactless you your aunt to bring that up at the funeral. The awkwardness is ALL hers, my dear.

  35. Angel says:

    LOL I swear that could have been me! Thank god it wasn’t! LOL :)

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