Awkward Family Story: Grandma’s Midnight Email

August 7th, 2009

“The twins started their state playoffs on Monday at 6:00 p.m. They won. Played again on Tuesday at 6:00 p.m. They won. Played again on Wednesday at 6:00 p.m. They won. Played again on Thursday at 6:00 p.m. They lost. Played again on Thursday at 8:00 p.m. They won by one run. They will play again on Friday at 6:00 p.m. They will play Richards which is the team that beat them 25-3. The team that beats will win first place and the other team will win second. Never dreamed they would do so well. I have not gone to the games because of the heat and I get too nervous. I keep Brad. Tomorrow night Brad is going and I am also going. I will take along three nerve pills. Hope I make it. The only casualty has been Alice, who plays first base, and was hit in the mouth trying to make a catch. Just a little blood and swelling. She was worried about her permanent teeth getting knocked loose. She is fine.”

(submitted by Anonymous)

105 Responses to “Awkward Family Story: Grandma’s Midnight Email”

  1. Nikki says:

    This was completely funny. I giggled hard. I don’t get the people who thought this wasn’t funny/awkward.

    Hilarious!

  2. Whocares says:

    HAHAHA that was funny..

    Ok I’m exaggerating just a bit. It wasn’t funny.

  3. Mari says:

    Poor, poor Alice.

  4. HF_Buick says:

    you know, besides my total non-understanding about why this is awkward, funny, or ANYTHING, i did realize 2 things:

    1. i miss grandma– i never really had one, so any grandma will do, &
    2. this narrative is like when you tell a person a really good long joke & they turn around and try to tell it to someone else, except they leave all the KEY FUNNY PARTS OUT…

    i am SURE there is more to this than what grandma “wrote.” BAH! =0p

  5. Bdizzle Nepatizzle says:

    looks like gramma’s got a bit of the heatstroke

  6. Aliz says:

    I guess it’s awkward in that it’s clumsy–but it’s still a stretch for this site. A kid taking a ball to the kisser is not all that funny, though.

    • Petey says:

      Very true, a kid getting a whack in the chops isn’t that funny, but the comedy doesn’t lie in the kid getting the ball to the face, it lies in Grandma’s almost complete apathy, and the fact that she ‘hopes she [herself] makes it’, which was EASILY the funniest part – can’t believe nobody else has picked up on it!

  7. chi says:

    hilarious!

    ps. why do the people who don’t get this humour feel the need to post comments/ look at this website in the first place? if you want cheesy one-liners and punchlines go watch a sitcom.

  8. franky says:

    i laughed when i read this. the nerve pills + the awkward ordering of details + it’s randomly being sent at midnight = awkward. i mean, imagine receiving this at midnight one night while you’re chatting. i, for one, would read it and go “wt*.”

  9. Frank says:

    the awkwardness lies in the fact that Grandma is a goofball who gets nervous at baseball games. Hello? Nerve pills so you can watch your grankid at a baseball game? Playoffs or not, that is goofy.

  10. jordan says:

    okay…..

  11. Joe says:

    …..?
    Whatever.

    ROBIN…..TO THE NEXT PHOTO!!!!

  12. EmHatter Project says:

    I would say the awkward part about it, other than the phrasing, is her need of three nerve pills to get through the apparently horrible ordeal of watching her grandkids play in a tourney. On top of this, if the letter makes you go “um…okay…?” I believe that classifies it as awkward. Imagine if someone came up to you, said this word for word, and then waited for your reply. That would be an awfully awkward situation, wouldn’t it? What the hell would you say to that? I imagine you’d both stand there staring at each other for at least a few seconds in silence.

    ….I start to forget that people are dense, and then I read comments on the websites that I go to.

  13. Kale says:

    I wasn’t even thinking Alice was one of the twins… which makes it even more funny to me.

  14. teresa says:

    I thought it was pretty awesome too. very self absorbed. my favorite part. I keep brad. totally random.

  15. killer kate says:

    I think I needed a nerve pill to get straight what was going on in baseball with the twins.

  16. hollygirl says:

    Maybe Brad is a dog she is looking after. Also, it just says Alice. It might not even be her granddaughter. The “I keep Brad” sentence is kinda creepy.

  17. BroadwayBohemia says:

    Can we say stream of consciousness?

  18. Michelle says:

    I think this is funny:
    “I keep Brad.”
    Where does she keep Brad? On the phone? Updating via texts? Locked in the basement cuz if she can’t handle seeing the twins’ games DAMMIT NO ONE IS???

    then right into this:
    “Tomorrow night Brad is going and I am also going.”
    Seriously? How can this sentence not make you at least chuckle? freaking kills me.

  19. C B says:

    I agree with the comments that this not awkward or funny…..and that maybe we need some extra information to make it seem so.

  20. Jennifer says:

    I’m surprised to see how many people didn’t find this funny…I LOVED it, and I normally hate the Awkward Family Stories with a vengeance. Awesome!

  21. Kimberly says:

    Maybe taking the nerve pills will clarify how this is awkward.

  22. nhaar says:

    These comments are pretty awkward.

  23. cheryl says:

    Ok, what I find supremely awkward about this is Grandma’s COMPLETE lack of concern for and attention to the actual subject of this email. Poor Alice and her twin are playing in a tournament. Alice takes a ball to the mouth which loosens her front teeth and causes bleeding and swelling, after which she has to return to continue playing game after game. Alice is worried and upset. Grandma completely trivializes this mini-trauma AND blows off Alice’s reactions to it.

    In addition to the actual content of the email which indicates the insignificance of Alice (in Granny’s mind) is the order in which Granny’s concerns are listed. Most important thing: The schedule/time of games. Next most important is the winning/losing (Granny “NEVER DREAMED THEY”D DO SO WELL” I’m glad she’s not my cheerleader). Next is Granny’s anxiety issue. Then Brad’s whereabouts. Back to Granny’s anxiety issue. and Finally, the LEAST significant thing in granny’s mind is at the tail end of the letter. The pretty-horrible sounding ball to the bloody mouth incident resulting in multiple loosened teeth. but hey, don’t worry about her because Granny certainly doesn’t. All Alice gets is a: “She’s fine.”

    Ugh. Not a very warm granny. That’s for sure…unless she was typing while hopped up on those nerve pills.

    • Maureen says:

      And she keeps Brad, I guess she got rid of Alice.

    • Tribble says:

      Thank you so much Cheryl … this is very edifying! I am guessing you are//were a literature major?

    • Joe says:

      Thank you, Cheryl: “Prosecuting Attorney at Law”!

    • Christina says:

      You know I totally understood the email, but this post made me laugh way harder. Awesome.

      • jay says:

        Agreed!! I forgot all about Brad’s whereabouts out of the blue. So well said. What is so great about the whole thing (in addition to Cheryl’s explication = awesome) is Grandma’s lack of simplifying any idea. “Brad is going and I am also going.” How bout some pronouns? ie: WE. And every game’s time and outcome is listed individually. M-6:00; they won. T-6:00; they won. W-6:00; they won. Etc. So good.

  24. nikki says:

    OMG Patty that is sooo awkward and FUNNY

  25. KatieMB says:

    I kept waiting for the punch line…. what a let down. ;)

  26. Stephanie says:

    ok how is this awkward….

  27. I Lolled says:

    It’s awkward because:
    1) The writing style. Short, colorless sentences.
    2) She explains what a championship game is.
    3) She needs three nerve pills to watch what sounds like maybe High School Baseball.

  28. lexi278 says:

    I think whats awkward is the lack of awkwardness….

  29. Boppie says:

    At least this Grandma, unlike mine, uses punctuation AND capital letters. I think she tells a great story. What we have he-ah is…the ANTI-Awkward Family Story!!!!

  30. DriscollS says:

    I don’t get it. Would one of the handful of commenters who seem to find this funny/awkward please explain to the rest of us? I hate to think I’m missing a joke here.

    • well says:

      nope, you are not missing the joke. There is no joke. It’s not funny or awkward… my 11 year old son thought it was funny. Then again he thinks blue cars are interesting.

      • Overanlalyzethis says:

        What’s amusing, to me anyway, is that the team they play for the championship, Richards, beat them 25-3, in their last match. I am assuming this is girl’s softball. The awkwardness is, to my mind, the fact that one team is so much better than any other, and that the grandmother is enthusiastic about the potential outcome. They will get slaughtered. This scenario is typical of junior sporting events.

  31. sand0r says:

    what?! that was the worse story i’ve ever heard and there was nothing about it that was noteworthy.

  32. Patty says:

    I’m sorry, but this is a typical Grandma e-mail…now I once got an e-mail from my Grams about how much she lusted after Princes William and Harry…complete with pictures of a shirtless Harry with a rugby ball and Prince William’s famous paparazzi photograph with his ‘willy’ out…now that makes you regret getting Grandma on the Internet…

  33. ddm17 says:

    I giggled at “the team that beats will win first place and the other will win second”…

  34. Suzy Voices says:

    Hilarious!! I wish I had three nerve pills. ;-)

  35. jenmo says:

    what on earth.

  36. steve says:

    ummm, what? nice rambling non funny no awkward letter

  37. Bobby Blogger says:

    Dude, what is this…. is this supposed to be humorous?

  38. that guy says:

    okay?

  39. sidekick says:

    Who’s on first?

  40. Jessica says:

    She must have taken all three nerve pills before writing this

  41. HF_Buick says:

    ok, sometimes some ADDITIONAL explanation is required….no, seriously.

    • Michelle says:

      I agree…likely there’s a back story that makes it funny/awkward but…since it’s not there …the post itself is …Awkward!

  42. Modine says:

    I don’t get it. How is this awkward? Or funny?

  43. The Nerd says:

    Um… this is pretty much every email I’ve ever gotten from my grandmother.

  44. Huh? says:

    What is so incredibly awkward about this? Sure, there might be some superfluous details like the times of the games, but that doesn’t make it awkward.

  45. Steve says:

    “The Team That Beats.” I wonder why no pro teams have picked that up as their official motto?

  46. Maureen says:

    Is Awkward Family Photos getting desperate for material?

  47. Jeeter says:

    Is my mother….your grandmother?

  48. Kale says:

    I love this.

  49. Andyspsu says:

    What is akward about this? I usually like the stories, but this was a waste of time.

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