Awkward Family Story: Grandma’s Midnight Email
August 7th, 2009
“The twins started their state playoffs on Monday at 6:00 p.m. They won. Played again on Tuesday at 6:00 p.m. They won. Played again on Wednesday at 6:00 p.m. They won. Played again on Thursday at 6:00 p.m. They lost. Played again on Thursday at 8:00 p.m. They won by one run. They will play again on Friday at 6:00 p.m. They will play Richards which is the team that beat them 25-3. The team that beats will win first place and the other team will win second. Never dreamed they would do so well. I have not gone to the games because of the heat and I get too nervous. I keep Brad. Tomorrow night Brad is going and I am also going. I will take along three nerve pills. Hope I make it. The only casualty has been Alice, who plays first base, and was hit in the mouth trying to make a catch. Just a little blood and swelling. She was worried about her permanent teeth getting knocked loose. She is fine.”
(submitted by Anonymous)
This was completely funny. I giggled hard. I don’t get the people who thought this wasn’t funny/awkward.
Hilarious!
HAHAHA that was funny..
Ok I’m exaggerating just a bit. It wasn’t funny.
Poor, poor Alice.
you know, besides my total non-understanding about why this is awkward, funny, or ANYTHING, i did realize 2 things:
1. i miss grandma– i never really had one, so any grandma will do, &
2. this narrative is like when you tell a person a really good long joke & they turn around and try to tell it to someone else, except they leave all the KEY FUNNY PARTS OUT…
i am SURE there is more to this than what grandma “wrote.” BAH! =0p
looks like gramma’s got a bit of the heatstroke
I guess it’s awkward in that it’s clumsy–but it’s still a stretch for this site. A kid taking a ball to the kisser is not all that funny, though.
Very true, a kid getting a whack in the chops isn’t that funny, but the comedy doesn’t lie in the kid getting the ball to the face, it lies in Grandma’s almost complete apathy, and the fact that she ‘hopes she [herself] makes it’, which was EASILY the funniest part – can’t believe nobody else has picked up on it!
hilarious!
ps. why do the people who don’t get this humour feel the need to post comments/ look at this website in the first place? if you want cheesy one-liners and punchlines go watch a sitcom.
i laughed when i read this. the nerve pills + the awkward ordering of details + it’s randomly being sent at midnight = awkward. i mean, imagine receiving this at midnight one night while you’re chatting. i, for one, would read it and go “wt*.”
the awkwardness lies in the fact that Grandma is a goofball who gets nervous at baseball games. Hello? Nerve pills so you can watch your grankid at a baseball game? Playoffs or not, that is goofy.
okay…..
…..?
Whatever.
ROBIN…..TO THE NEXT PHOTO!!!!
I would say the awkward part about it, other than the phrasing, is her need of three nerve pills to get through the apparently horrible ordeal of watching her grandkids play in a tourney. On top of this, if the letter makes you go “um…okay…?” I believe that classifies it as awkward. Imagine if someone came up to you, said this word for word, and then waited for your reply. That would be an awfully awkward situation, wouldn’t it? What the hell would you say to that? I imagine you’d both stand there staring at each other for at least a few seconds in silence.
….I start to forget that people are dense, and then I read comments on the websites that I go to.
I wasn’t even thinking Alice was one of the twins… which makes it even more funny to me.
I thought it was pretty awesome too. very self absorbed. my favorite part. I keep brad. totally random.
I think I needed a nerve pill to get straight what was going on in baseball with the twins.
Maybe Brad is a dog she is looking after. Also, it just says Alice. It might not even be her granddaughter. The “I keep Brad” sentence is kinda creepy.
Can we say stream of consciousness?
streams of consciousness usually come out in chunks of more than 4-5 words!
I think this is funny:
“I keep Brad.”
Where does she keep Brad? On the phone? Updating via texts? Locked in the basement cuz if she can’t handle seeing the twins’ games DAMMIT NO ONE IS???
then right into this:
“Tomorrow night Brad is going and I am also going.”
Seriously? How can this sentence not make you at least chuckle? freaking kills me.
BWAHAHAHAHAAA…
Maybe Brad is her pharmacist…3 nerve pills.
That was the part that stuck out to me, too. The random, “I keep Brad.”
And exactly what are nerve pills? Valium? or Tums?
FYI: the “I keep Brad” means she is babysitting. That phrase is common in some regions for babysitting.
I agree with the comments that this not awkward or funny…..and that maybe we need some extra information to make it seem so.
I’m surprised to see how many people didn’t find this funny…I LOVED it, and I normally hate the Awkward Family Stories with a vengeance. Awesome!
Maybe taking the nerve pills will clarify how this is awkward.
These comments are pretty awkward.
Ok, what I find supremely awkward about this is Grandma’s COMPLETE lack of concern for and attention to the actual subject of this email. Poor Alice and her twin are playing in a tournament. Alice takes a ball to the mouth which loosens her front teeth and causes bleeding and swelling, after which she has to return to continue playing game after game. Alice is worried and upset. Grandma completely trivializes this mini-trauma AND blows off Alice’s reactions to it.
In addition to the actual content of the email which indicates the insignificance of Alice (in Granny’s mind) is the order in which Granny’s concerns are listed. Most important thing: The schedule/time of games. Next most important is the winning/losing (Granny “NEVER DREAMED THEY”D DO SO WELL” I’m glad she’s not my cheerleader). Next is Granny’s anxiety issue. Then Brad’s whereabouts. Back to Granny’s anxiety issue. and Finally, the LEAST significant thing in granny’s mind is at the tail end of the letter. The pretty-horrible sounding ball to the bloody mouth incident resulting in multiple loosened teeth. but hey, don’t worry about her because Granny certainly doesn’t. All Alice gets is a: “She’s fine.”
Ugh. Not a very warm granny. That’s for sure…unless she was typing while hopped up on those nerve pills.
And she keeps Brad, I guess she got rid of Alice.
Thank you so much Cheryl … this is very edifying! I am guessing you are//were a literature major?
Thank you, Cheryl: “Prosecuting Attorney at Law”!
You know I totally understood the email, but this post made me laugh way harder. Awesome.
Agreed!! I forgot all about Brad’s whereabouts out of the blue. So well said. What is so great about the whole thing (in addition to Cheryl’s explication = awesome) is Grandma’s lack of simplifying any idea. “Brad is going and I am also going.” How bout some pronouns? ie: WE. And every game’s time and outcome is listed individually. M-6:00; they won. T-6:00; they won. W-6:00; they won. Etc. So good.
And some exclamation points would be nice too….
OMG Patty that is sooo awkward and FUNNY
I kept waiting for the punch line…. what a let down.
ok how is this awkward….
It’s awkward because:
1) The writing style. Short, colorless sentences.
2) She explains what a championship game is.
3) She needs three nerve pills to watch what sounds like maybe High School Baseball.
yep, I just checked and its still not awkward
High School?? Alice the first baseman is worried about her permanent front teeth. I’m guess t-ball or little league.
I think whats awkward is the lack of awkwardness….
At least this Grandma, unlike mine, uses punctuation AND capital letters. I think she tells a great story. What we have he-ah is…the ANTI-Awkward Family Story!!!!
I don’t get it. Would one of the handful of commenters who seem to find this funny/awkward please explain to the rest of us? I hate to think I’m missing a joke here.
nope, you are not missing the joke. There is no joke. It’s not funny or awkward… my 11 year old son thought it was funny. Then again he thinks blue cars are interesting.
What’s amusing, to me anyway, is that the team they play for the championship, Richards, beat them 25-3, in their last match. I am assuming this is girl’s softball. The awkwardness is, to my mind, the fact that one team is so much better than any other, and that the grandmother is enthusiastic about the potential outcome. They will get slaughtered. This scenario is typical of junior sporting events.
what?! that was the worse story i’ve ever heard and there was nothing about it that was noteworthy.
I’m sorry, but this is a typical Grandma e-mail…now I once got an e-mail from my Grams about how much she lusted after Princes William and Harry…complete with pictures of a shirtless Harry with a rugby ball and Prince William’s famous paparazzi photograph with his ‘willy’ out…now that makes you regret getting Grandma on the Internet…
Ahhh.. you need to find that e-mail and post it.
Williams willy eh? ::runs off to google::
My 72 year old mother told me about the type of man she lusted for, and I wanted to put a bullet in my head.
You must find that email and post it here ASAP! LMAO!
I giggled at “the team that beats will win first place and the other will win second”…
Hilarious!! I wish I had three nerve pills.
me too.
what on earth.
ummm, what? nice rambling non funny no awkward letter
Dude, what is this…. is this supposed to be humorous?
Nope. Not humorous. Just awkward. I think your “Dude, what is this” pretty much sums it up.
… huh?
okay?
Who’s on first?
What’s on second?
I don’t know!
I don’t know is the pitcher.
no, third base.
No, I don’t know’s on third
third base
Nice rally everyone! lol
I feel bad for anyone who does not get this…
Get what?
What’s on second.
She must have taken all three nerve pills before writing this
hahahahaaa
ok, sometimes some ADDITIONAL explanation is required….no, seriously.
I agree…likely there’s a back story that makes it funny/awkward but…since it’s not there …the post itself is …Awkward!
I don’t get it. How is this awkward? Or funny?
Um… this is pretty much every email I’ve ever gotten from my grandmother.
What is so incredibly awkward about this? Sure, there might be some superfluous details like the times of the games, but that doesn’t make it awkward.
“The Team That Beats.” I wonder why no pro teams have picked that up as their official motto?
love it. great idea.
Is Awkward Family Photos getting desperate for material?
Is my mother….your grandmother?
I love this.
What is akward about this? I usually like the stories, but this was a waste of time.