The Thanksgiving Letter

November 26th, 2009

The Thanksgiving Letter - Thanksgiving

 submitted by Kara at

Listen to a dramatic reading of Marney’s famous letter.

After years of trying, Marney agreed to sit down with AFP and discuss her famous letter.

And now, you can get the official Marney Shirt! Image of regulation-size casserole dish included.


3,035 Responses to “The Thanksgiving Letter”

  1. Moose says:

    …. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. Also cause we all hate ur f@#*$ing turnips anyways.

  2. Kahleeb says:

    What’s really scary is this is exactly the kind of notes, letters and e-mails my step mother sends to me and my sister. She treats us like employees, it’s hilarious, a little weird and a lot awkward, but it is so much fun to say no to her. She really wants to “fire” us, but she can’t…

  3. Allison says:

    Hilarious! Sheer hilarity!

    But come on, am I the only one here who thinks she was actually just joking? My money’s betting on her totally writing that for a laugh.

  4. Kashmir182 says:

    Six families, plus Marney. She requests 15 POUNDS of mashed potatoes, and only 2 pies?

  5. Becca says:

    I bet this woman brags to all her friends about the huge feast SHE put togethe, too…..and then complains about how her family doesn’t appreciate her. She’s lucky someone doesn’t put chocolate ex-lax in her pie.

  6. Too funny says:

    Ok why is Michelle bringing the pie knife for Amy’s pies, and where is Michelle going to put her proscuitto pinwheels if she isn’t allowed to bring a plate????? In her lap perhaps??

    Maybe her other personality was writing the letter at the same time and they both just couldn’t see eye to eye?

    Seriously, this letter takes the cake!!

    • Erica says:

      I also wondered how poor Michelle was to transport her prosciutto pinwheels… Surely Marney would not permit assembly at her house! Can you imagine coming in with a Kroger plastic bag full of ingredients and expect to assemble there? Oh, the horrors.

      Other personality … tee hee!

    • Lori says:

      I was wondering the same thing . . . Maybe Marnie doesn’t think Amy should handle sharp kitchen utensils? Or could be that Marnie doesn’t trust her?! (Amy might be tempted to stab her in the face)! I know I would . . .

  7. Ashley says:

    What’s with this!? lid this, don’t forget the serving spoon that, come on this lady sounds more like a military drill sargent then someone’s aunt. Like seriously get down off your high horse and get over yourself already you don’t control the world you know! And people think I’m a perfectionist, yeesh.

  8. dennis dye says:

    shure sounds like an olf drill sargent, however a drill sargent wouldn’t care if you brought some BEANS !!!!! HELL , i would show up with 10 pounds of em !!!!!!!!

  9. Zappa Vishnu says:

    Knock, Knock!
    Who’s there?
    Control Freak!
    Control Freak who?


  10. Justine says:

    This is clearly a joke and meant to be funny. Everyone needs to lighten up.

  11. MusicGal says:

    Holy cow, this is disturbing! I almost wish I was invited to this party, just so I could purposely screw up the sacred instructions. :P

  12. miniegg says:

    sadly, this is exactly the type of letter i would write to members of my family

    • Christa says:

      OMG, I don’t think I would go as far as a list, but MAN I would love to do this to the inlaws! They just come in sit thier butts down and don’t do CRAP! then leave not helping with the mess….if I had the ba**s to write this letter maybe they wouldn’t come over!!!! maybe that’s what s why she did it! LOL!!!

  13. Paige says:

    Okay, everybody, let’s play a joke on Marney because you know that sense of humor she has!

    Let’s all show up with soup spoons, cold dishes, and store-bought vegetable platters covered in aluminum foil!

    I’m sure she’ll get a kick out of it!

    Also, bring only 14.5 pounds of potatoes and some Kroger’s gallon of chocolate ice cream.

    You know how Marney jokes around!

    - Amy

  14. Renee says:

    I love that she says “regulation sized” casserole dish and that the girl is now expected to bring food at the “adult level” :)

    Haha this lady is ridiculous!

  15. Kate says:

    My favorite is how Lisa Byron Chesterford is now REQUIRED to participate on an ADULT level. lol. What did she do before? Bring playdough and crayons? Or maybe PBJ sandwiches for the little ones who don’t like turkey. If I were Lisa, I would be trying to wrangle myself an invite to the Chesterford family Thanksgiving! Ohhhh crazy people, what would we do without them!

  16. Jayna says:

    It’s an efficient method, I’ll give her that.

  17. Fyaa says:

    “Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time…” YEEESSS we can imagine…

  18. Henry says:

    Amen, and if I was the Amy Misto family I would bring a cherry pie just to shake things up and watch the s@#% hit the fan!

  19. Jacquie says:

    Unbelieveable. Do people like this truly exist?!!! If I was part of the June Davis family, I would shove those 15 lbs of potatoes where the sun don’t shine!

  20. Shannon says:

    this lady rely likes casserole, she should have just let every one bring what they want that is good manners

  21. lieutenant_red says:

    ” No… wire… hangers. What’s wire hangers doing in this closet when I told you: no wire hangers EVER?”

  22. Ramm says:

    15 LBS. OF MASHED POTATOES!!! I can’t peel 5 lbs. It would have to be instant..

  23. tcb says:

    OMG! I’d send something for the dinner, certainly: My regrets and a big F*** YOU

  24. J says:

    I’d show up with 1/2 a recipe’s worth of rice crispy treats on a paper plate leftover from easter.

  25. Whetstone says:

    for the love of god no cocktail sauce!

  26. Danielle says:

    AMAZING! I laughed soo hard at this and sent it to my sister. How awkward!!!

    • Your sister says:

      I am going to stand up for Mrs. Marny and say – kudos! Nothing wrong with lists (and excel spreadsheets) to help organize the lot…and this reminds me of a story called ‘Henny Penny.’ :D

      Seriously Danielle, for my Christmas stocking I want yogurt covered blueberries (not the generic brand), a new fancy collar for Niles (not the nylon ones, and no leather), a new razor (something that is GOOD), recipes from mom and grandma’s kitchen, minty balls with the crunchy inside (green wrappers only), three pairs of comfy/plushy socks – knee length and not too tight, no desk calendar, no undies, lay-flat silicone measuring cups, and the traditional candy cane full of m&ms. Don’t forget to put it in a kohl’s bag. Thank you in advance,

  27. Anon says:


  28. Vickibee says:

    Not enough alcohol on the list to deal with this crazy control freak. She’s not joking as GlendaSings suggests, she confirms that at the top of this demand letter. I hope they brought everything wrapped in foil and no serving spoons. And lots of hard liquor.

  29. Heather says:

    We are live at the scene of what is now being referred to as the Marnie Byron Thanksgiving Slayings with Officer Barney Fife. Officer Fife, what can you tell us about what happened inside the Family Home?

    “Well, all I can say is I ain’t never seen carnage like in there. It really takes some kind of evil to kill a man with a soup spoon. Sommetin like that ya can’t unsee, ya know? There are casseroles that are not regulation and some with no lids, so some witnesses are sayin that it speaks to the motive, but I can’t be sure right now. We will have more to tell y’all later, the detective said they are tracking down some letter that went out to all the family that may shed some light on all this.”

    Witnesses have stated that the home had been quiet until about 3:30 PM when guests started to arrive to help with dinner. Police were called to the scene at about 4:30. A neighbor across the street stated that it just didn’t seem like Marnie, saying that Quote “She has quite a sense of Humor and jokes around all the time, but I guess she is deadly serious about Thanksgiving!”

    We’ll have more as the story develops, back to you Ted!

  30. Natalie says:

    This lady has to be from the South. Southern women take their Thanksgiving meals very serious. She is extreme, but very organized!

  31. GlendaSings says:

    For an alternative perspective – perhaps this is a mother who does absolutely everything every single year, and her family just rocks up expecting perfection and to be waited on hand and foot. Maybe it’s her way of making a point about exactly what goes into a really good family meal; and she’s joked it up a bit for them.

    Come on people….put on your joking tone and read it again. She’s a funny woman!

  32. Sassy says:

    This reminds me so much of my sister’s MIL. One charming thing that she used to do was invite her kids (in their 30′s) and friends over for these elaborate dinner parties. She’s a great cook, but very messy and would make a huge mess in her kitchen. Then, during dinner she would complain to everyone about how much work the dinner party was and how expensive it was to make. Then, after everyone had finished, she and her friends would go settle down in the living room to chat and have coffee, but she would make her kids clean everything up!

    This was the same at Thanksgiving, too, only 10 times more mess and complaining! Funny enough, for some reason that I really can’t fathom (said with a wry smile on my face), my sister and her husband decided to start having Thanksgiving at their house! But the torment didn’t end there. After throwing a huge fit over this, the MIL finally decided to start going to their house for Thanksgiving, since, oddly enough, everyone chose to go to my sister’s instead of her place! So I was on the phone with my sister one Thanksgiving and the MIL was supposed to be fixing the gravy, which, as in the story above, HAD to be prepared in a very particular way with the gizzards being braised or roasted or some such thing. Well, while my sister was on the phone with me, she was trying to help her MIL, and put something else in the pan to be braised with the rest of the stuff. When the MIL saw, she went ballistic, and I could hear her over the phone yelling, “You f*****d up the gravy! I can’t believe you f*****d up the gravy!” Now it’s ruined and I have to start all over. I can’t believe you f*****d up the gravy!” My sister said she had to go, and I found out later that her MIL made them drive around from store to store on Thanksgiving day to find FRESH turkey gizzards to re-make the gravy! Now every year when I call her on Thanksgiving, I make sure to tell her not to f*** up the gravy!

    Thank God my in-laws live in England!

  33. oregonbird says:

    It was a rowdy Thanksgiving, we all got together at Amy’s house for pizza & joked about that darned email!

  34. Cheryl says:

    What a major bee-ach!!! What is a “regulation size casserole dish”? I want dimensions!!!

  35. Rebella says:

    Hahahaha, that’s epic! This woman would give Monica Geller a run for her money!

  36. funny says:

    What is best is the newly wed that now “has the responsiblities of an adult” now that she is a married woman… LOL

    • gourmettey betty says:

      I’m bringin the storebought meatballs in the brown cracked crockpot with the grape jelly in the BBQ sauce, with my name in masking tape on the front, the hot-glued knob, and a big PLASTIC spoon, you b*/@ch! Who’s got the frilly toothpicks?

  37. tammy says:

    wish i could have been there as each person/family read their letter…so funny, ye

  38. John says:

    OMG, I would be bringing different things just to mess with her. There is no end to the fun we would have.

  39. sara says:

    okay, this scares me. My MIL calls herself Marny. And this is something that she would send to us.

    It does my heart just a wee bit of good to know that I am not the only one who suffers the crazy to this level. ;)

  40. Marie says:

    Go, Amy, go! I’d love to think that one year they all get so fed up with her absolute lack of manners (I mean, how insulting she is to everyone!) and all bring dishes she says NOT to bring, and bring them in tupperware, store brand everything, no serving utensils of any kind. And then act all innocent. It would be a laugh riot, especially when the vein in Aunt Marney’s forhead starts visibly throbbing!

  41. Steve says:

    Hey Marn:
    “Lost your instructions so I brought some Boston Market ”
    Amy Misto Family

  42. Mr. Dave says:

    Photos, we want photos!

  43. Mr. Mikey says:

    Marny my fanny – this is my sister’s ex-mother-in-law Lydia. One typical Thanksgiving dinner included her youngest son’s fiancee not being allowed to come to the dinner because, as God is my witness, “there is not enough matching china.”

    Mr. Mikey

  44. Keith says:

    I’m wondering if she’s still alive.

    • Lauren says:

      She probably died that night of a heart attack when “you know who” did not read this letter and in turn did not bring her pumpkin pie ( the silver plate recipe, of course) lol

  45. leil says:

    I would love to know if the guests actually brought all of this stuff according to instructions.

  46. Nate says:


    • Jan says:

      Your reply made me laugh out loud! Hilarious!

    • suzushii says:

      +20000 points

    • Moooolissa says:

      HAHAHA OMG I snorted when you said this! I think I would be having my OWN (doesn’t have to be perfect to be enjoyed) Thanksgiving. She was so @n@l I was afraid she would hemorage before ending her “demands”.

    • Ulla says:

      Oh my God. You know when you’ve just seen a movie or heard a song for the first time and it was so good you are jealous of people who have yet to hear/see its awesomess for the first time? That is how I feel about this comment. Please accept my offer of friendship and be my BFF!

  47. Appalled says:

    WT*? This person is insane!!! I swear if I was in this family I would show up with nothing and just see if this lady freaks out. And if she gave me crap for it I would tell her exactly where she could put her mashed squash in a regulation casserole dish with a lid. LOL

    • Molly says:

      It takes a lot of work to be this kind of control freak!

      • Nick Hollis says:

        And if you showed up with that loser attitude I would kick you out on your *****,
        I think the lady is very organized and you are intimidated with such a person that
        you canot live up to her level of perfection!!!!


  48. Linda says:

    Oh, brother!!! Could we be any more snobbish?? I can’t believe this is for real.

  49. Amy says:

    How do I marry into this family?

    • missmouthwash says:

      Is your question how DID I marry into this family? Cuz it looks like she had task for you to prepare as well Amy! I hope you didnt forget that pie!~

  50. Judy from Texas says:

    I stumbled on this by accident and laughed til tears were falling. Please, keep this going. I can’t wait to see what happens next, so I am bookmarking this site. ROFLM*O

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