The Panty-Dropper

June 8th, 2011

The Panty-Dropper - Behind The Awkwardness

We received this story from Dave (above) and had to share it with you in all of its unedited glory. We hope that everyone can learn something from his harrowing experience and if you don’t believe it was harrowing, just count the exclamation points.

First of all, let me make it clear. This is a true unembellished story.

Nancy was pregnant with our second child Aaron and was probably in about the 8th month, rather balloon like in shape! We were attending a small church in Northwestern, Ohio close to where both of us were raised. As we entered the sanctuary while looking for a pew that would accommodate my wife’s delicate condition, we turned down the main aisle. I was walking directly behind Nancy when it happened! To my utter disbelief and sheer gut wrenching horror, I looked down and saw my wife’s underwear on the floor!!! My mind was a dizzying blur, almost an out of body experience! Different thoughts raced through my head. Oh God what do I do? If I ignored them, someone else might pick them up…. a really bad idea! “Will the owner of the white oversize panties please come to the lost and found” A really really bad idea!! If I move as in slow motion trying not to draw any extra attention, if that were even possible considering what had just happened, (After all how much more attention could we get!!!) an usher might assist me, an even worse idea! ” Here sir, let me help with those…….!!!!!!!!!!!!” At this point my only two options were to:

A. Faint, acting as though I was slain in the spirit, which would seem strange considering this was a non-charismatic church!

B. Act fast hoping that if I moved at lightning speed I could some how reverse time and wipe this event out my mind as well as of the minds of the 12 people who witnessed this but were now trying not to look by rearranging hymnals or making diverting comments. “Look Virgil, isn’t that the third week in a row the pastor has worn that suit”. “Yes Marge, It’s time for the ole love offering”.

As you’ve probably guessed by now I chose the second one and during the following several years tried to blot this event out of my mind. Well apparently God has either a rather strange, almost twisted sense of humor or my wife needed to buy much better fitting underwear because as you’ve probably already guessed, “it” happened again!! Now nearly 6 years later and she, once again with child, at least 7 or 8 months worth, was back to the previous pear like shape! As fate or the mischievous hand of God would have it, we were again in church. This time we were in West Lafayette Indiana at a church we had only attended a handful of times. As we were exiting after the service, we stopped briefly to shake hands with a gentleman standing in the foyer. As we started to engage in idle yet holy chit chat “something” fluttered softly downward toward the foyer’s carpeted floor! At first my mind refused to accept the graphic reality of what my eyes were seeing! “Oh merciful God in heaven, tell me this is not happening again!” “Just let me die now!!!!!” The next few minutes seemed to last an eternity, with time moving as slowly as molasses in January! The sense of déjà vu and flashbacks to the incident 6 years earlier turned my brain into something resembling petrified silly putty! “Maybe you could send the rapture Lord!” my mind briefly uttered, but quickly rejected the idea when I realized that the three of us would probably be stuck in the same heavenly elevator having the same conversation only now accompanied by harps!

I also know this incident had to be difficult for my wife but let’s face it, women only need to utter either of the magic “P” words (pregnant or pms) and are generally given a free ride no matter how wacky the behavior! “Let’s see mam, you ran five stop lights, created several free form crop circles and turned a poor cow into ground round. Pregnant?…..OK go on and have a nice day!”

Well, we all stood there as still as dime store mannequins for what seemed like a hundred years!! I was still hoping the panties would somehow spontaneously explode to release me from this torment, but alas, that was not to be! I thought of ways to divert attention….. Perhaps start a conversation about da Bears since Chicago was close…. but reality set in and I remembered…I DON’T KNOW SQUAT ABOUT FOOTBALL!!! Darn it… I knew I should have signed up for those intramurals in the eighth grade! Maybe start coughing and act like I was choking.. yes that might just work! Then it hit me.. This guy that I hardly know would perform mouth to mouth on me…. Maybe not as good an idea as I had thought!! (a little too friendly). Well what finally happened was that I edged closer to my wife while straining to chit chat, snagged the panties on my wing tip, reached down as if scratching my leg, grabbed the panties (it was like poetry in motion) until I realized my wife was standing on the other corner of the underwear!!! SNAP!!!!!! “Can this get any worse, Lord?” We finally somehow extricated ourselves and hurriedly scampered out the door. This was our last visit to this church, that is without disguises!!!!

(submitted by Dave)

230 Responses to “The Panty-Dropper”

  1. Hannah says:

    I can’t believe the writer of this story can make such a mountain out of a molehill. His pregnant wife’s pants fell down. So why not just pick them up and give them back to her? I don’t think this is a particularly embarrassing scenario, although I was once acting in a play when the skirt part of my costume fell off and I DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE!

    • Cathy says:

      The story was hilarious and well-written. You seem to have no sense of humor. Or perhaps you are harboring unexamined trauma from your wardrobe malfunction?

    • Kat says:

      Did you not read it?? UNDERWEAR, SKIVVIES, PANTIES – not pants.
      And yes, a big embarrassing to the husband as his wife’s “unmentionables” are on display for their entire church to view. Poor guy!

      As for your skirt coming down in a play….completely different as you are displaying yourself to the public in the very act of acting.

  2. d.Lee says:

    I actually saw a woman immerged out of a resturant restroom w/her skirt tucked into her panties waistband!!! Horrors! Talk about unaware!!! I jumped up and pulledl her skirt out of her panties… Phew!
    She was sooooo grateful someone ‘rescued her’ before she’d walked further into the public eye…

    I’m sure ‘Scottie’s’ wife is too! Funny story!

  3. Cris says:

    This story is very similar to one I heard a long time ago about a woman who was on vacation, and while she was in a tour group going through the Vatican, the elastic of her underwear failed, and all she could do was let them fall and step out of them, and then the crowd she was in whisked her away so she had to leave them there. What is it about houses of worship and wayward panties?! Weird!

  4. PatientVengeance says:

    When I was pregnant I bought some special maternity panties that I thought would be more comfortable. Turns out the things were just huge and somehow managed (despite the fact that I was wearing jeans) to slide down to just under my butt. I lived with it until I got out to my car and fixed them. I never wore them again! So maybe if she were wearing those types it could have happened.

  5. Samantha says:

    Something similar happened when I was very very pregnant, mine slipped off while I was walking across a street because you can’t pause to ‘make adjustments’ at that time. You just kick them under something or scoop them up real quick. You get used to embarrassment when you’re leaking, sleepy, cranky, hungry and as rounded as a human can be for several months.

    From the wife’s perspective, I bet it took 2 seconds to happen, be fixed and be over. Oops *Blush* darn.
    Meanwhile homeboy is going through this crisis of epic proportions that is causing him to fall to his knees and beg the heavens for any escape from this earthbound damnation…a horrid tale that can only be told with wanton use of exclamation points.
    People don’t pay -that much- attention to your wife’s feet. Deep breaths.

    My blood pressure just raised reading that…
    Super awkward.

  6. The mama says:

    whatever the case may be, it is a hilarious story thanks for sharing!!

  7. Lynda says:

    This has happened to my mother three times, in some different degrees. She was not pregnant. She is notorious for wearing undergarments that should be thrown away but insists on ‘seaming them up’ or ‘putting in some elastic’. The first time, she was walking down the hall of our church between the pastor and the music director while having a conversation. Her slip just eased it’s way down around her ankles, and she, not one to be phased, pealed off into the nursery door as if that was what she intended to do. The second time, she had gone to visit an elderly couple because the husband had been ill. When she stood up to leave, down went her drawers. She just bent over, picked them up and put them in her purse. The last was the best. She had lost a significant amount of weight and the entire family had been telling her the clothes she was wearing was too big. She is president of her Sunday School class which meant standing in front of a group of about 100 senior citizens every Sunday morning to open the class. Just after introducing the teacher, her skirt slid right down around her ankles. My dad and I, trapped in the control room, could do nothing but laugh out loud. The very distinguished retired professor who teaches the class, couldn’t figure out what to do. The piano player jumped up and jerked her skirt up. The worst thing (in my mother’s mind) was her fear that the piano player would pull up her slip while trying to pull up her skirt. Didn’t happen. Nobody laughed by my dad and I and most people didn’t even notice. It still cracks up everyone (including mom) whenever we tell the story. As long as you have a good sense of humor, you can get through anything.

  8. V. says:

    I have an awful feeling that this guy’s poor wife didn’t give the OK when it comes to him telling the whole world about her misfortune–and since he included his photo, there won’t be any doubt as to who she is….. Lots of laughs at her expense. : (

    • V. says:

      Although, the more I think about it, the more I realize she probably doesn’t even exist. Who in the history of the world has ever failed to notice–twice!–that her panties have fallen down AND worked their way past her shoes?

  9. Crystal says:

    good for this guy! I’m glad for him that his WIFES panties falling to the ground was the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to him.

  10. Dibs says:

    With comments like….

    I also know this incident had to be difficult for my wife but let’s face it, women only need to utter either of the magic “P” words (pregnant or pms) and are generally given a free ride no matter how wacky the behavior!

    it made me wish that his underwear had dropped and he had taken a hard fall flat on his face!

  11. suzischnauzer says:

    I can vouch for this actually being a problem for pregnant women. I was expecting my first and was with the hubs at Knott’s Berry Farm, in Ca, going to dinner. I had opted to wear pantyhose, it was 1971 and I though I would try to dress up!. I got out of our car, and as we took our first steps toward to gate, I felt the PH leave my belly area and commence a slide toward the dirt. I guess this was a better place to have it happen, because I merely ducked between cars and yanked the tings back in place. When I got inside, I removed them and put them in my purse. I never wore them again. Church? That is the reason I am Pagan, we don’t care if you wear underwear at all.

  12. Modine says:

    I don’t understand why this story needed to be told. So embarrassing for the woman, and really nothing at all to do with her husband. Why is he the one relating this sad tale?

  13. Janelle says:

    How does the woman (1) not notice her panties are no longer in place; and (2) step our of them also without noticing? It just doesn’t happen. And as others have said, it’s hard to feel sorry for the whiny man, when it’s his wife who is huge and pregnant, awkward and uncomfortable, and MISSING HER PANTIES!

    And if he wanted to talk about football in West Lafayette, IN, he should have brought up Notre Dame, not “da Bears.”

    • Megan says:

      My thoughts exactly. I started reading this expecting, and wanting to laugh out loud, but I didn’t find the humor. The story is hard to believe and his picture gives me the creeps.

    • Deanna says:

      I totally agree with this. I can believe that they’d fall down, but I can’t believe you’d unknowingly just keep walking, step out of them and never notice – TWICE!

  14. bethm326 says:

    I’ve been thinking hard about this.

    I would have to assume that these were a separate pair of underwear from the ones she was wearing. Maybe caught in the seam of her dress that fell out an an inopportune time. I would be surprised to see an 8 month preggo woman take large enough strides to step out of the underwear unknowingly. Waddles aren’t condusive to undergarment fleeing.

    So I have a piece of advice for your wife for each scenario:

    1. Shake out your clothes a couple times before you wear them.

    2. Buy underwear that fit better (or invest in suspenders)

  15. Austin says:

    This was not an interesting story. I might have kept interest if the story would have been a paragraph long. Based on the point of the narrative, this could have been easily achieved.

    • Janie says:

      I agree. Dave must think he’s being paid by the word.

      It’s a good thing his wife is so oblivious; I’d hate to think she is aware that years later people are either still guffawing or rolling their eyes at her expense. And all thanks to her husband.

  16. Mizzle says:

    That story started funny, but left me feeling sad. It was that last line that did it. Church ought to be a place where you can go back after an embarrassing incident and face people without wearing a disguise.

    And the sexist comments didn’t help.

    • Claire says:

      Although “uncharismatic” churches are probs the ones with their panties in a knot (pun? Whatever) over other people’s business. No gay people ever, binary gender identification, marriage is sacred, Christian privilege, yadda yadda yadda.

      Not a place for a guy who likes to write his stories with that many exclamation points. And not really a refuge for charismatic people who don’t fit the cookie cutter profile.

      But I agree on the sexism. As if women have it that easy.

  17. Karen says:

    This is BS. The panties would still be around her ankles, so she’d have to step out of them. There’s no way a woman that hugely pregnant could do this without grabbing something for support, and doing a lot of kicking and wiggling to get them off, thereby drawing plenty of attention. The fact that Dave left this detail out makes the story suspect.

  18. Xan says:

    Good Lord that was INSANELY FUNNY! Thanks so much for this. I love this guy’s thinking. It reminds me of myself in moments of panic. Everything seems to slow down so much you have time to think of a million different scenarios before acting on any of them. Truly hilarious!

    • Xan says:

      Firstly, I can’t believe there’s another Xan out there, as that’s my name, as well! Secondly, I don’t think that I believe his story.

  19. Malia says:

    How do panties fall to the floor, TWICE, nonetheless, without being noticed by the panty wearer? Was her belly so big she just could not see the panties falling and thought maybe it was her dress swooshing against her ankles and legs? Both times they fell so perfectly that she kind of stepped right out of them? I thought maybe when I clicked on the comments there would be a plethora of similar stories, but to my chagrin, everyone seems as confused as me.

  20. steph says:

    So here is what I thought you were going to say……

    “Well what finally happened was that I edged closer to my wife while straining to chit chat, snagged the panties on my wing tip, reached down as if scratching my leg, grabbed the panties (it was like poetry in motion) until I realized my wife was standing on the other corner of the ROOM!!! “

  21. Kelli says:

    This story was awesome!

  22. Kelly says:

    This was a hoot to read! I hope you don’t wear that tam & shirt together in public though, if I were you I’d be less embarrassed about the slipping panties than that combination. ha ha ha

  23. Beth says:

    People, the caption below the picture says that it’s a picture of Dave, the author of the story. That would be how the picture ties into the story. Duh.

    Wow. What a crazy thing to happen. Twice.

  24. Paul says:

    I was silently hoping the punchline was going to be that they sat down in a pew. Then, when Dave showed his wife the panties, she would reply that she still had hers on.

    I guess fiction can be better than reality sometimes.

  25. Kelly says:

    Thanks Dave! I may be a devout atheist, but please keep going to church, I really enjoyed your story.

  26. Mary says:

    Absolutely hysterical! It is hard to imagine twice. I know if it were me, I’d be wearing pants in pregnancy or very snug underwear after the first incident. Thanks for sharing. I needed a good long laugh. 🙂

  27. Nadine says:

    This story contains about 80% more words than required. Plus I don’t understand why his wife didn’t pick up her own underwear. It’s more funny than embarassing, given her advanced pregnancy.

  28. Greg says:

    I believe it! I’ve seen it happen. I am a funeral director and saw this happen to a little old lady and her son as they were coming out of the church after a funeral and her undies went right to the ground. It was February and bitter cold and windy. Her son scooped them up without missing a step like nothing ever happened. That poor old lady went on the the cemetery and I assume was “commando”! Brrrrrrrrrrr. So there must be something with underwear and church???

    • Alan says:

      “Winter draws on” said the pastor. “Yes,I have,but thanks for the reminder” she said.

      • Jane says:

        Hilarious! Some of the comments to the story have had me giggling, when I got to this I just couldn’t hold it in anymore!

  29. Sarah says:

    I’m confused about how the panties just “fell” off of her. I’ve been pregnant and my panties never just fell off of me without me feeling them beginning to slide and having ample time to do a discreet pull up. And if they had fallen off of me without me having noticed their decline, wouldn’t my shoes have kept them stuck around my ankles instead of the panties just laying in the aisle?

    Does this woman have some strange combination of elastic free panties, desensitized skin, bare feet, and an oblivious nature?

    • Suzanne says:

      All I can think is that she didn’t buy new panties when she got pregnant and the elastic in her underwear just got so stretched out that it was basically non-existent. Also that this keeps happening in church because that’s the only time she wears dresses either that or her husband hasn’t noticed the countless other times she’s dropping trou’.

  30. Sassy says:

    I got about halfway through the story, thought “Meh” and stopped reading.

  31. Ville says:

    What a fuss over nothing.

  32. halle says:

    This story was awesome! I was uncomfortable just reading it, I can’t imagine what they were going through.

  33. Lula Lola says:

    Panties and hoping for the rapture. Mercy. That is some story!

  34. Philip says:

    Pregnant women are allowed to wear trousers, you know…?!

  35. TortuganLass says:

    I have little-to-know sympathy for this guy. His poor wife! Not only did she have to live through this situation twice, but now her doof of a husband has splashed it all over the internet!

  36. Jillian (BTA) says:

    At least she had underwear on! That’s more than I can say for my panty-less visitors.

    On a side note, a good push present might have been a few yards of elastic.

  37. jaclyn says:

    Oh my word! This is too good to be made up.

  38. Henrik says:

    Dear Dave (and wife),
    Thankyou for sharing, hope it will help the anxiety.
    The moral of this story, by the way: Don’t go to church.

  39. Fred says:

    I’m not sure that I understand. Was your wife wearing these panties and they fell down around her ankles – twice – or were these some kind of static-cling hangers on that just chose to let go at an inopportune moment – twice. If it was the former, shouldn’t you have been more concerned about your wife falling on her face – actually, I guess even worse, based on your description, her belly?

  40. coobee says:

    How? Just… how?

  41. Lauren says:

    Perhaps she needed to invest in some maternity pants lol.

  42. Mimi says:

    What the heck kind of underwear is this that falls down to the floor and yet is not wrapped around the person’s ankles? As far as I can imagine, there wouldn’t be any “scooping” them out of sight without the woman actually stepping out of them first. Just sayin’….

    • maria says:

      Agreed. This story sounds like a complete fabrication because it just doesn’t work logistically. AFP, why would you print this?

    • Redtech says:

      Yeah, I don’t wear skirts but I’ve been pregnant 3 times and my panties have never fallen off or slid down. I don’t wear “granny” panties though so maybe those have a bad habit of falling off.

      I think its gotta be extra undies stuck on with static.

      • courtney says:

        Ditto… I know everyone is different in pregnancy, but as a rule, everything is TOO TIGHT. I bought larger sizes in maternity pants and underwear, but why would a 7-8 months pregnant woman buy underwear that is SO oversized it just falls to the ground? She’s not getting that much bigger, compared to the first 6 months, so they would likely end up still being too large… I have had underwear ride down, but always pre-pregnancy underwear that was too small to pull up completely and was too tight on my legs to just fall.
        Even if they were so huge and the elastic worn out, they wouldn’t just suddenly drop without working their way down for a few steps. In that case, wouldn’t she have felt it and tried to do something or pull them up?
        The bottom line is, there’s almost no way it would have worked. And the guy is freaking out trying to hide it while the woman is oblivious? There’s no way she wouldn’t have felt it sliding down… even if you have terrible sciatica, pregnancy doesn’t make you completely lose sensation in your legs!
        If it’s even true at all, it has to be static cling.

  43. Jennifer Schworn says:

    So the story is not related at all to the picture??

  44. Laura says:

    This is one of the funniest stories I have ever read. My cheeks are wet with tears from laughing hysterically!

  45. Nic says:

    Best part of the story?

    I was still hoping the panties would somehow spontaneously explode to release me from this torment

    • justme says:

      Yeah cause it’s allll about him and his agony LOL. His poor wife! I hate to tell you guys but pregnancy does NOT exclude us from embarrassment. At least he devoted one line to her feelings…..because I was beginning to wonder if she was real or some female version of 2 1/2 Men’s Manny Quinn!

    • Sunshine says:


  46. Kerstin says:

    Absolutely Hysterical! Thanks Dave!

  47. Richard says:

    Don’t get it. Don’t understand the pic, don’t care much for the story. First ever fail from Awkward Family Photos in my opinion.

  48. That is pure awesomeness! Only because the detail means I can totally imagine it all going on in my head. The horror of having to go through it twice! OHMIGOSH! Still ROFLOL!

  49. Carly says:

    I think the awkward part is the fact that the man in the picture looks like he has never used an exclamation point in his life…

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