Thanksgiving Letter 2: Heat Loss

Thanksgiving Letter 2: Heat Loss - Thanksgiving

My family has so many crazy holiday stories that viewing AFP’s Thanksgiving Letter has become an annual tradition. We can certainly relate, as we have our own fabled version:

One year, my wife and I hosted Thanksgiving for our extended family of 25+ people. My 92-year-old father – a man who, at that time, still took daily two-mile walks, managed four buildings he owned, and treated his seven middle aged offspring like children – decided HE would continue to have the upper hand in the day’s event. He wanted to make sure every detail was executed to perfection, with minimal disruption from youngsters and other family members who hoped this would be a fun gathering. A few weeks before the holiday, Dad handed me this instruction letter: It was written on he back of a (used) business sized envelope that he hand-lined with a ruler, presumably to save the cost of a piece of looseleaf paper.  For those who can’t read his handwriting, it reads:

For Thanksgiving Dinner November 2004. These are just a few thoughts. Perhaps you already have yours. Aim is to present a hot meal at dining time: Serve all guests younger than 5 years prior to service to adults. Count the youngsters as they come in the front door. Immediately gather their dinner plates (1 for 1). Have three (adult) people fill the youngsters’ dinner plates. This should be a fast phase. Try to discourage talking. Have the parents assist the kids. Remember the heat must be guided this time period so that the parents will enjoy a hot Thanksgiving dinner. Larry is watching heat during THIS PHASE. The adults are now in process of having their plates filled by TWO FILLER UP adults. Dessert is served to children and adults at the same time and coffee and tea is served in readily accessible cups & saucers. Perhaps paper cups and Sprite for children. Sprite or nothing. Get the youngsters satisfied as quickly as possible to minimize heat loss for the moms and pops.”

(submitted by Larry)

In Thanksgiving • November 5th, 2013 • 61 Comments »

The Bird

The Bird - Thanksgiving

Somebody wasn’t feeling very thankful.

(submitted by Jessica)

In Thanksgiving • November 5th, 2013 • 11 Comments »


Facebag - Kids

Haven’t we seen her somewhere?

(submitted by Victoria)

In Kids • November 5th, 2013 • 5 Comments »

The Christmas Goose

The Christmas Goose - *AFP Hall Of Fame*

He was just pointing out the man who deserves all of the credit.

(submitted by Calvin)

In *AFP Hall Of Fame* • November 4th, 2013 • 5 Comments »

The Groomspig

The Groomspig - Wedding


(submitted by Patrice in Canada)

In Wedding • November 4th, 2013 • 1 Comment »

Naughty & Nice

Naughty & Nice - Christmas

Clearly, being good for goodness sake isn’t enough incentive.

(submitted by Sofapizza)

In Christmas • November 4th, 2013 • 14 Comments »

We’ve Got The Power

We’ve Got The Power - Behind The Awkwardness

“My sister and I enjoying a beautiful Pennsylvania fall day under the power lines with our dog, Smokey.”

(submitted by David)

In Behind The Awkwardness • November 3rd, 2013 • 2 Comments »
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