Random

Doctor’s Orders - Photos

Doctor’s Orders

“I got this shirt at an event sponsored by Dr. Pepper.”

(via source)

The Ultimate Soft-Sell - Random

The Ultimate Soft-Sell

“He really didn’t want to sell his beloved Subaru.”

Full disclosure, I always promised my wife that when we were ‘with child’ I would part with my beloved 2003 Subaru WRX so we could buy some minivan/SUV monstrosity with a rear window big enough to put those infuriating family stickers on. So this ad is a good faith effort. For sale: the last vestige of my youth. 

Mileage: 85,000 miles. Almost all city miles. I’m everything that is bad about a WRX owner, so rest-assured that most of those 85k miles were spent at full throttle, rapidly accelerating in and out of 7-11 parking lots. 

Maintenance: the car has had a few issues over the years. Oil changes ever 4-5k miles or every 6 months. Exclusively worked on by establishments that employ a spinning sign guy out front. The car rattles a bit and pulls hard to the left, just like a real NASCAR! 

Other issues: cup holders are small (Japanese engineers in 2003 had no idea how far we would come.) Water pump was purchased from an Indian burial ground, so the car is slightly haunted. 

See attached pictures. I’ve had multiple people email me and ask me for a better picture of the car. My response: no, but I will send you more pictures of the dents. 

If you want to come by and see the car, great. It has to be a time when my wife is home so she can see that I actually put the car up. Any attempts to negotiate will result in price increases. 

(via source)

“U” Is For “Uncomfortable” - Random

“U” Is For “Uncomfortable”

“My son is learning the alphabet.”

(via source)

This Billboard Literally Makes No Sense For The Title - Random

This Billboard Literally Makes No Sense For The Title

We’re not saying he isn’t skilled, but…

(via source)

The Tall Life - Random

The Tall Life

“I asked, ‘How tall are you?’ He handed me this.”

(via source)

Bathroom Rorschach - Random

Bathroom Rorschach

“My aunt went to the bathroom in her new building. This is what she saw.”

(via source)

A Closer Look At A Literary Classic - Random

A Closer Look At A Literary Classic

Sometimes, an event happens that causes you to re-evaluate everything you know about life and truth. Like when you learn there’s an actual romance novel depicting a relationship between a woman and a grizzly bear. Lest you think this is some kind of a joke, trust us when we say this is one hundred percent real. Originally uncovered by the heroes at Awful Library Books, Bear was written in 1976 by Marian Engel, who’s from Canada. (Could she be from anywhere else???) It follows a protagonist named “Lou,” a meek librarian who’s unsatisfied with her current love life, (is there any other type of romance novel heroine?) and embarks on a relationship with a real, actual bear.

You know bears. The animals that in caves and eat salmon.

Some think of Bear as a metaphor for the inter-connectedness of all living things. Others think it’s just a particularly unique romance novel. But the nation of Canada thinks it’s a literary classic. That’s right. In 1976, it won the Governor General’s Literary Award!!! That’s a real award that’s still presented today. Other winners of the award include The Handmaiden’s Tale and The English Patient.

Those two classics are officially equal with a book about a lady getting freaky with a bear.

The Governor General wasn’t alone in loving it, though. Look at the book’s back cover, full of glowing blurbs from some of the world’s best newspapers:

Why wasn’t I lucky enough to find out about this back when I was doing book reports for school?!

After learning Bear exists, my biggest question, (after “How did this get published?” “How anyone think this was an idea worth pursuing?” and “WHAAAAAAAA?”), was, just what sort of person would write a book like this? Who is Marian Engel? Let’s check out her bio.

That’s her resume?! She was all, “Normal book, normal book, normal book,” and then, “You know what? I think for my next one, I’ll write about a lady having sex with a bear!”

That happened in real life on the planet we all live on.

I will say this, though. If you think about it, dating a bear does makes sense. Since they hibernate half the year, you definitely wouldn’t be lacking your personal space.

Ye Olde IUD - Random

Ye Olde IUD

“All I wanted to do was get rid of some scrap gold on eBay. Now I probably have an STD from 1892.”

(via source)

Mysterious Package - Random

Mysterious Package

“In 1996, I asked my Mom to mail a metronome to me in college.”

(via source)

Quasimodo - Photos

Quasimodo

“I renewed my driver’s license. Thanks to the idiot who stamped the photo, I’m now Quasimodo.”

(via source)