So, my boyfriend’s mom sent him this email prior to a weekend with her and her mother….
When you come to Mooresville please bring my black computer cord. I think I left it in your bedroom. Also, there is a blue Delta blanket on the couch which I brought there. Could you bring that too?
There is a problem about mom’s house and you may want to stay in Thomas’ house after the first night. Mom’s toilet doesn’t flush big number twos. I had to wrap mine up in plastic bags and newspapers last night and put it in the garbage. It is really terrible but she has a toilet designed to use less water, for economy purposes. I try to go elsewhere if possible and you should too.
Also, mom doesn’t want you and Jane sleeping in the same room because you are not married. Jane can sleep in the room with me and you can either have the other guest room or sleep on the porch with Milly. I’ll try to get a sleeping bag from Thomas.
I am planning on making a vegetarian chilli pot for Jane. There is also ham and cheese for sandwiches and plenty of yoplait. You are to help yourselves to the refrigerator.
Talk to you soon.
(submitted by anonymous)
My entire extended family was sitting together for Christmas dinner when the topic of fidelity came up… great topic for the dinner table I know. So my mom goes off on a rant about a lady she knew who cheated on her husband while they still had young children and ended up marrying the man she had this affair with, and how that was the most despicable thing to do to a family, and how she didn’t know how this lady lived with herself after ruining her first marriage, on and on for about 10 minutes… and my aunt interrupts her to comment, “You do remember that Jim and I met and started our relationship while I was still married with young children with my husband Charles, right?” Awkward.
(submitted by Iris)
It was my granddaddy’s 80th birthday party. Of course, the rest of my family decided umpteen million pictures were in order beginning with the great-grandkids & granddad and eventually ending with my grandmother & grandfather sitting together. Well, when trying to position herself, my uber-conservative and naive grandmother said, “I should get on my knees as that’s where I’ve been my whole marriage.”
(submitted by Kallie)
My family took a 2 week camping trip to the Grand Canyon when I was 10. After packing up the wood grain station wagon, my parents, older sister, the family dog and myself climbed into the car. As my dad was backing out of the camping site, he backed into a ditch where big clumps of grass became stuck in the bumper. Dad, being in the big rush he was, moved onto the next camping site but didn’t bother to clean it out. When we hit the border of Arizona, the toll guy asked us if we were transporting any fruit over the border and my dad replied, “No, but we have a little grass in the back.” Awkward.
(submitted by Teri)
I was a big Yankee fan growing up and when my Dad bought tickets to take me to my first game, I was so excited. I couldn’t wait to go to Yankee Stadium, eat a hot-dog, and maybe catch a foul ball (I, of course, brought a mitt just in case). And in the fifth inning, I couldn’t believe it when a foul ball was actually headed our way. I stood up, raised my glove into the air…and was knocked to the ground by another fan who jumped on top of me to catch the ball. The other fan was my Dad…
(submitted by Dan)
My wife and I were having trouble getting pregnant. One afternoon, my sister-in-law came over to my apartment while I was home alone. After a few moments of small talk she told me that she wanted to help us with our problem and would be willing to carry my baby. I assumed that she meant to say “our (me and my wife’s) baby.” But my sister-in-law clarified that she was only talking about me… awkward.
(submitted by Roger)
When I was 10 years old, my parents took us on vacation to a water park. I told my dad I had to go to the bathroom; he pointed to a building and let me go in by myself. When I got in, I noticed there were no urinals, and none of the stalls had toilets in them. Confused, I went into a stall anyway, pulled the curtain closed behind me, and did my business all over the floor. When I got out, we started walking away when another man with his son asked my dad if we knew of any bathrooms nearby. My dad pointed to the building that I had just exited. The man said, “No, that’s just a dressing room to change in and out of bathing suits.” My Dad said that was not true, as I had just used the bathroom in there. The other man insisted and my father started to get angry, “Are you calling my son a liar?” My Dad told the man we would all go in together to prove my innocence. Despite my objections, the four of us went in and when my Dad whipped open the curtain to the first stall…
-Kevin, North Smithfield, RI