Dad With Four Daughters Takes Twitter By Storm
Being a parent is a tough job, but it helps to keep a sense of humor. That’s where James Breakwell comes in. The comedy writer and father of four is the author of the @XplodingUnicorns account. There, Breakwell chronicles the day-to-day difficulties of being a husband and father, often in the form of conversations he has with them. It’s pretty obvious right away that the wife and kids are just as funny as he is, but in the end, we all win.
1. The human napkin.
Being a dad means always being a shoulder to cry on.
And wipe your nose on.
And spit up on.
I’m basically just a human napkin.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 13, 2016
2. Lost cause.
6-year-old: Why do you take a long time in the bathroom?
Wife: To look pretty
6: Why doesn’t Dad take a long time?
Wife: There’s no hope.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 10, 2017
3. Economics 101.
5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars
Me: That’d wreck the economy
5: I just-
Me: Go to your room until you understand inflation
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 7, 2015
4. Who does?
4-year-old: Why do you go to work?
Me: They pay me a salary.
4-year-old: I don’t even like celery.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 28, 2015
5. Girls do mature faster than boys.
3-year-old daughter: A boy at daycare said he likes me.
Me: Do you like him back?
3: He colors outside the lines. He needs to grow up.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2016