March 3rd, 2017
If you’ve ever griped about your parents meddling in your life, this story will keep things in perspective.
Baron Brooks is 48 years old, single, and childless. He lives in Salt Lake City, Utah and owns a two health food stores. Like many of us, he wants to share his life with someone special. Also like many of us, his parent wants the same for him. But UNlike many of us, his father, Arthur, was willing to take out a full-page personal ad for his son in the newspaper. Without Baron’s knowledge or consent.
No, this isn’t a synopsis of an Everybody Loves Raymond episode. This is real.
The ad, helpfully adorned with roses, cost $900 and covers Baron’s requirements for a potential mate: she must be pretty, between the ages of 34 and 38, on the shorter side, (Baron is 5’5″), politically conservative, and above all, willing to go along with all of this. (That last one is implied.) Potential partners are asked to travel to a resort in Idaho, where Arthur will screen them and sign off on them before the dates happen.
Why Idaho? Arthur had just vacationed there and thought the state’s more conservative vibe would be a match for his son’s sensibility.
When Baron found out what Arthur had done, he was rightfully embarrassed. Arthur is 78 and really wants grandchildren. (No kidding.) Baron described his dad as “nuts.” Also “neurotic,” “passive-aggressive” and without boundaries, comparing him to Larry David’s character in the TV series Curb Your Enthusiasm. Sounds about right.
Oh, also, Arthur’s profession is breeding thoroughbred racing horses. That has to be the worst example of a failure to separate work life from home life OF ALL TIME.
In the end, Baron decided to have a positive outlook about the whole thing. There was no putting the genie back in the bottle, so he agreed to go on the dates–the ad wound up getting about a dozen replies, which somehow isn’t surprising.
There haven’t been any updates on Baron’s status since the ad went up, so it sounds like he has yet to find love. We wish him luck. And we heartily recommend he try Tinder next time.