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Awkward Family Story: Meet the Dummy

Growing up I’d always been used to being mortifyingly embarassed by my mother, who used to assert that all children felt the same way about their parents. Whilst this is obviously true to an extent, I eventually did realize that my own mother was worse than most.

Settling into university and making new friends is always going to be a big thing, and having two friends to stay at home after a drunken night out, my mother (them being two giggly girls) felt in good company enough to invite them upstairs excitedly whilst I was out of the room. The girls – also in possession of terrible hangovers – mystified but intrigued, followed my mother where they were told to close their eyes for a mere moment. When they opened them, my mother was sitting on the edge of her bed with her brand spanking new ventriloquist doll, apparently deciding it would be an appropriate morning to perform an impromptu comedy sketch. Awkward.

P.S. The doll mysteriously went missing not long after, and while I wasn’t actually responsible, I’m utterly grateful.

(submitted by Tweety)

Awkward Family Story: Tats

It was my Nana and Grandad’s 50th wedding anniversary, and there was this big party for them held at my uncle’s house. I’d been avoiding showing them a tattoo I have on my hip in fear that they’ll judge me and disown me somehow.

In a moment where I forgot how short I was, I stretched out for my tattoo to be on show for all to see. At first my Nana looked shocked, until she announced to my family;
“No need to worry Kate, me and your grandfather each one have on our bottoms. He swats my butterfly and I chase his steam train on a regular basis…”

Awkward.

(submitted by Kate)

Awkward Family Story: The Puzzle

When I was first getting to know my fiance, he had mentioned he didn’t know who his father was until he was 5. Because his mom had remarried while he was very young. As I thought about it, I asked him, “Did you ever question why you had a different last name?” He said, “Nope, because my grandfather had the same last name as me.” So I asked “Well, he’s your grandfather on your mother’s side right?” (meaning that he had his mothers madien name)
He said “Well, sorta” I asked for him to explain. He made me promise not to laugh. So I agreed. He then went on to tell me, “It’s my mother’s mom, see my mother’s father died 2 days after she was born, so she remarried.” I was confused now. How did he have his grandfathers last name if it wasn’t his mother’s father? Well, as he went on to explain, while his mother and birthfather were dating, his mother’s mom and his father’s dad fell in love. So after his mother and birthfather got divorced. His mother’s mom and father’s dad got married. Meaning, His parents are also Step brother and Sister. How awkward.

(submitted by Kathleen)

Awkward Family Story: Dad Humor

My boyfriend’s car had broken down, so my dad had kindly offered to come and pick us up. On the way home, there was a group of Galah’s on the road up ahead. In a serious voice dad says, “Kids, hold on tight, we’re going to jump to inter-galah-tic travel.” My boyfriend just looked at my dad, then at me. I could offer no explanation besides, “Dad Joke.” Awkward.

(submitted by Bree)


Awkward Family Story: Funeral Faux Pas

At my great-Uncle’s funeral my uncle (my great-uncle’s nephew) was talking to his cousin ( the daughter of the deceased) outside of the church. His cousin was holding a small wooden box and after a few minutes, my uncle noticed it looked like she was having a hard time holding it, so he said, “Well, I’ll let you go inside and dump your load” to which she replied, “It’s dad.” Awkward.

(submitted by Samantha)

Awkward Family Story: All in the Family

When I was 11 my parents divorced and my mom married my dad’s brother. As if that isn’t awkward enough… when my brothers and I got older, we eventually had to break the news to our soon to be spouses. When I told my fiance, he said “Don’t tell my family.”  So came time for our parents to meet. Everyone introduced themselves. My mom, dad and stepdad/uncle where all there (yet another awkward moment) I guess as an ice breaker my uncle/stepdad says “So did Susan tell you I’m also her uncle”?  My fiances mom started coughing then started choking. The ambulance was called, but thankfully I know the heimlich and got the piece of food out right away. After that though my fiance’s parents left, and haven’t seen my family since. Can’t wait for the wedding… awkward.

(submitted by Susan)

The Email

So, my boyfriend’s mom sent him this email prior to a weekend with her and her mother….

Dear xxxxxx,

When you come to Mooresville please bring my black computer cord. I think I left it in your bedroom. Also, there is a blue Delta blanket on the couch which I brought there. Could you bring that too?

There is a problem about mom’s house and you may want to stay in Thomas’ house after the first night. Mom’s toilet doesn’t flush big number twos. I had to wrap mine up in plastic bags and newspapers last night and put it in the garbage. It is really terrible but she has a toilet designed to use less water, for economy purposes. I try to go elsewhere if possible and you should too.

Also, mom doesn’t want you and Jane sleeping in the same room because you are not married. Jane can sleep in the room with me and you can either have the other guest room or sleep on the porch with Milly. I’ll try to get a sleeping bag from Thomas.

I am planning on making a vegetarian chilli pot for Jane. There is also ham and cheese for sandwiches and plenty of yoplait. You are to help yourselves to the refrigerator.

Talk to you soon.

Love, Mom

(submitted by anonymous)

Awkward Family Story: A Little Less Conversation

My entire extended family was sitting together for Christmas dinner when the topic of fidelity came up… great topic for the dinner table I know. So my mom goes off on a rant about a lady she knew who cheated on her husband while they still had young children and ended up marrying the man she had this affair with, and how that was the most despicable thing to do to a family, and how she didn’t know how this lady lived with herself after ruining her first marriage, on and on for about 10 minutes… and my aunt interrupts her to comment, “You do remember that Jim and I met and started our relationship while I was still married with young children with my husband Charles, right?” Awkward.

(submitted by Iris)

Awkward Family Story: You Go Grandma

It was my granddaddy’s 80th birthday party. Of course, the rest of my family decided umpteen million pictures were in order beginning with the great-grandkids & granddad and eventually ending with my grandmother & grandfather sitting together. Well, when trying to position herself, my uber-conservative and naive grandmother said, “I should get on my knees as that’s where I’ve been my whole marriage.” 

…AWKWARD.

(submitted by Kallie)

Awkward Family Story: Weeds

My family took a 2 week camping trip to the Grand Canyon when I was 10. After packing up the wood grain station wagon, my parents, older sister, the family dog and myself climbed into the car. As my dad was backing out of the camping site, he backed into a ditch where big clumps of grass became stuck in the bumper. Dad, being in the big rush he was, moved onto the next camping site but didn’t bother to clean it out. When we hit the border of Arizona, the toll guy asked us if we were transporting any fruit over the border and my dad replied, “No, but we have a little grass in the back.” Awkward.

(submitted by Teri)