Dad Rediscovers Incredibly Detailed Instructions For His Son’s Babysitter

Leaving your infant in the hands of a babysitter can be a worrisome experience for parents, but this Dad did his best to cover all the bases. Bryan Elliott, a software developer and father from the Philadelphia area, recently rediscovered an email he sent to his son’s babysitter before he and his wife Amy went out for the evening. Even better, as a tech guy, Bryan’s instructions sound more like a software manual than a guide to caring for a baby. It might seem odd applying “if-then” logic to childcare, but it makes its own weird kind of sense. The end result is a fun take on parenting an infant. And hey, it might offer a few helpful tidbits for Moms and Dads out there.

The guide starts off with a diagnostic on what to do in case the kid is crying. There’s really only three reasons a baby is going to be crying.

Then it moves on to different ways to calm the kid down. Apparently “shushing” comes with the risk of vertigo!

Pretty much nails the purpose of binkies.

He even recommends the correct frequency for bouncing, if you’re into that kind of thing.

They make straightjackets for babies?!

Sounds pretty skeptical about this one.

Then it moves on to the main event. You knew this was coming.

Of course this gets its own section.

And he covers what to do in case of a major cleanup operation.

Bryan’s son has a penchant for trolling.

Finally, the email closes on the different ways the baby likes to interact. If “play live music” sounds like a bit of an ask, rest assured that Brian’s babysitter was working on her PhD in violin.

(via The Huffington Post)