15+ Of The Best Parenting Tweets Of 2016

2016 brought us a lot of things. Good things. Bad things. And more than a few bizarre things. However you feel about this year though, there’s no denying that Twitter, as usual, gave us plenty to laugh about, especially where parenting tweets are concerned.

#3

[At dinner]
Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat?
Me: Probably like 90%
D: So it’s 10% balls?
Me: *spits out food*

— Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 3, 2016

#4

Me: Get out of bed.

4-year-old: No!

Me: Why do you fight me every single morning?

4: Because you never learn.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 24, 2016

#5

My youngest is being tested for the gifted program at his elementary school and my other son thinks his toothbrush is haunted.

— eric (@ericsshadow) March 25, 2016

#9

My daughters took turns tracing each other over and over with chalk.

Now it looks like 25 children were murdered in my driveway.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) June 29, 2016

#10

My 2-year-old handed me a candy bar.

I hugged her for finally learning how to share.

Turns out she just wanted me to open it.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) November 8, 2016

 

#11

Me to my son: You remind me of me.
Son: That’s just mean.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 16, 2016

#12

6: Daddy, I’m mad at you.
Me: What for?
6: I’m not telling you.

She’s already a woman.

— Rich Cromwell (@rcromwell4) March 3, 2016

#13

My kids wanted to know what it’s like to be a Mom so I woke them up at 2am to let them know my sock came off.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 10, 2016

#14

Kids’ ears are amazing. It takes 7 times to hear “Pick up that toy” yet they can hear a bag of chips open at 50 yards.

— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) May 30, 2016

#15

My 11yo wrote me an apology for misbehaving in the car that included “I love you so much but sometimes forget to care about your existence.”

— Amanda M-W (@Manda_like_wine) April 27, 2016

#16

My son was crying and asked, “why doesn’t the dog have to wear pants?” And it’s like, I don’t even know. So now I’m putting pants on a dog.

— Tragic Ally (@TragicAllyHere) September 30, 2016

#17

I tell my kids that it’s important to learn pointless algebra because someday they may have to help their kids learn pointless algebra.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 28, 2016

#18

I lead the after-school drama club at my kid’s school. A 1st gr said, “Can you teach me how to act like I’m listening when my dad talks?”

— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) February 1, 2016

#19

When I want my kids to eat something the best chance I have is to put it on MY plate, where apparently food becomes immediately appetizing.

— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) August 15, 2016

#20

4yo: You’re a good dad.
Me: Thanks.
4yo: You’d be better if you said yes more.
Me: Okay.
4yo: Can I have ice cream? Think about what I said.

— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) June 20, 2016

#21

Me:”Sweetie, what do you say when you do something wrong?”

4yo: “I didn’t do that!”

— Kathy Cooperman (@Kathy_Cooperman) April 4, 2016

#22

My kids cleaned the kitchen without being asked & now I’m afraid of what they want from me.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 12, 2016

#23

Being a dad means always being a shoulder to cry on.

And wipe your nose on.

And spit up on.

I’m basically just a human napkin.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 13, 2016

#24

Child’s new thing is to spin in circles till he’s dizzy and falls down. This is the 2 year old equivalent of going to the bar.

— dadpression (@Dadpression) October 24, 2016

#25

I constantly google “how to put your kids up for adoption” so my kids can find it on my search history and know that I’m not messing around.

— Goats? (@Gooooats) February 18, 2016

#26

7yo: I could see you and my teacher getting married.
Me: I’m married to your mom.
7yo: Well you could get a divorce.

(My 7yo is savage af.)

— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) September 1, 2016

#27

You know you’re truly a parent when you are required to show the pictures in the book you are reading to the stuffed animals in the room.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 7, 2016

#28

And then one day we decided we were tired of sleeping in and doing whatever we wanted whenever we wanted in a clean house, and we had kids.

— keith (@tchrquotes) March 13, 2016

#29

When Bea was 3:
3yo: I love u the mostest.
Me: I love u my tiniest baby.
3yo: I love u my oldest Mommy. My fossil Mom. You are a fossil.

— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) October 24, 2016

#30

[bed time]

Me: Your mom told you to stay in bed.

3-year-old: There’s a scary monster in my closet

Me: Scarier than Mom?

3: *goes to bed*

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 28, 2016

(via Bored Panda)