Mom Discovers The Kama Sutra… For Kids
Let’s get one thing clear right off the top: we’re all for sex education here at AFP. We believe it’s crucial for parents to instill in their kids a healthy attitude towards sexuality. And there’s no one correct way to go about teaching “the birds and the bees.” Everyone figures out the best way for them individually.
That being said…
London Mom Katherine Peck was having a routine visit to the doctor’s office when she noticed what appeared to be an innocent children’s book about where babies come from, appropriately called Mummy Laid an Egg. It was written in 1995 by Babette Cole. Then Katherine picked up the book, and things got weird.
Let’s take a stroll through the book, shall we?
1. The Cover
Nothing really weird! Charming illustrations, and the “hatching from an egg” motif is fine way to explain the ovary-and-sperm concept to a little kid.
The one thing that gives me pause is the fact Dad has a ponytail. In retrospect that should’ve been a tipoff.
2. Where do babies come from?
The book starts off (not pictured) with the kids asking their parents where babies come from. This is Mom’s response. Let’s see what Dad has to say.
3. Dad’s responds.
Uh…sure, Dad. Sounds like some people have avoidance issues, but then again, they didn’t grow up reading Mummy Laid an Egg.
4. Dad responds, again.
Not really killing it here, Dad.
5. Anatomy lesson, part 1.
Mom and Dad’s explanations aren’t cutting it, so the kids take over the lesson. Gotta say, I’d be pretty insulted if I were Dad. For multiple reasons.
6. Anatomy lesson, part 2.
Dad’s built like a Greek statue, and not in a good way. Still, all this is important, necessary information.
But how do we get the “seeds” into the “tubes”? Buckle up.
7. The Kama Sutra
“OK, kids, when a man and woman love each other very much, they take off their clothes. Then they grab a skateboard. Then they put on clown makeup. Does this make sense?”
Is there more? Oh yes there’s more.
8. MORE Kama Sutra
Man, nothing’s tougher than trying to get your boink on while you’re suspended hundreds of feet in the air by a balloon. We’ve all been there. Good thing they have a “Space Hopper”, though. That seems to be working for both of them.
Also, keep in mind, these sex descriptions are coming FROM THE KIDS!!!!!
9. The Great Egg Race
I’m sorry, I’m still coping with the last two pages. I can’t even focus on this one.
You expect me to feel sorry for The Sperms That Didn’t Make It? I can’t even think straight right now!
Fine, say whatever you want, I’ve already contacted my therapist.
After everything that’s come before, a baby who can talk immediately after its birth doesn’t even register as weird.
13. Got All That?
NO, BABETTE COLE, WE DON’T KNOW! WE DON’T KNOW AT ALL!
At least Mom and Dad are just as confused as we all are.