(kindly submitted by Kara at http://californiakara.blogspot.com)
The “Marney” in my family finally decided that only SHE had the ability to make a decent meal, so she did all the cooking and then actually charged us all admission to her mother’s birthday party! This is both painful and hilarious!!!
I showed this letter to my very Southern mother who hosts Thanksgiving for up to 20 each year and her response was: “Tacky, tacky. Who invites people to your home for a meal and then tells them what to bring? It’s not a covered dish supper at church. You presumably care about these people enough to spend Thanksgiving with them, do you not care enough to prepare a meal for them? If not, go to a restaurant and get over it. And as for Marney, I would tell her to take her letter and shove it up her a**.” Love my Mom!!
Everyone should show up on the 27th!
Or the 29th!!!
It’s funny how people say “this lady is great, you need somebody to organize things or it’s a mess!” I hope you realize that it’s possible to organize things quite well without being an insensitive, demanding, antagonistic b!$@%.
Guess you’ve never been responsible for anything larger than a small dinner party! The antagonists are the insensitive, selfish relatives who expect a nice, holiday dinner but at someone else’s expense and exhaustion. I’m with Marney even though I have wonderful daughters who help and relatives who are on board with what is needed to put together a well coordinated and fun holiday dinner.
sounds like someone needs a bubble bath. it’s ONE meal!
LOL I read this a few times and realized this lady is clearly feeding an ARMY! Not 20-30ppl, but likely about 50ppl. As the lady who took hostess duties of Thanksgiving Dinner” over years ago, I gotta say I wish I had the balls to send something like this out. Though I’m no where near as anal as this %itch
I love Marney! Our family brings what they want even after we coordinate. Someone forgets something, and most think there will just not be enough. So there is always waaaaay too much. 3 bring potatoes, usually 2 are the same. 50 desserts and no green vegetables. It’s very frustrating. Plus, there is always someone who shows up with nothing and eats all of the best pie, and another who shows up so late, the rest of us are done eating when they bring their food in. BTW, for us it is every holiday. We would send Marney over the edge.
“50 desserts and no green vegetables.” You say that like it’s a bad thing.
If you have someone coming to dinner who is chronically late, you tell them dinner is an hour earlier than you have it planned. This woman would have a heart attack coming to Thanksgiving at our house. We’ve been doing holidays for 24 years with styrofoam plates and plastic silverware. We’d rather enjoy each others’ company than spend all day washing dishes.
My Uncle is similar to Marney only difference is he is MORE CONTROL FREAK than her. He is a real pain in the ass, this happens on every get together and I have to follow all instructions even aligning the chair to particular imaginary line he has in the dining hall and each and every detail including aligning all the clocks in all the room not to mention all must be in total sync to each other and what not the list goes on…..
there’s a pill for that!
This has to be a joke. I don’t believe it can be real. There’s no way there is really someone that bitchy. Is there?
Christmas Letter/After Thanksgiving Report Card:
“After I weighed the vegetables with my Weight Watchers food scale, I determined that the BOB BYRON family actually brought 4.2 pounds of asparagus. Since I have such a good sense of humor, I will allow myself to believe that they thought I meant weight before cooking. Next year I will be more specific. Also it appears the JUNE DAVIS family thought I meant for them to start drinking the wine while they were sitting in my driveway for a 1/2 hour for some reason. Bring a FULL bottle next year (you know how Mike is). Thank you JUNE for the notarized affidavit from the Farberware Co. that your casserole was indeed regulation size this year.
AMY MISTO well done for once you read it but it appears you thought it acceptable to use Red Delicious apples in your pie when clearly it should have been Granny Smith. I took a small sample to the lab at work and analyzed them only to find they were also NOT hand-picked organic free-range apples. And pumpkin means PUMPKIN, AMY, not canned pie filling from the supermarket. Also your pie plate is ugly, buy a new one. LISA, I trust for your sake I never again see little hot dogs rolled in Crescent rolls on my table. MIKE BYRON family – you know what you did, and you are dead to me now. Looking forward to Christmas!! Except you, MIKE BYRON family! Rot in HELL MIKE BYRON family!”
I wonder if they call her Mommy Dearest…
This “reply” from Anne had me in stitches!!!!
Marney is the Anna Wintour of Thanksgiving.
I love reading this every year — so ridiculous! And pardon me for being a bit of a wine snob, but she’s that picky about everything and still drinks clos du bois chardonnay? (and coors light for that matter!) Yech!
I 100% thought the same thing. I am so glad I’m not alone.
Everyone should be bringing wine. LOTS of wine. And what exactly is a “regulation” size casserole dish? And I thought my mom was crazy.
I’ll bet this woman throws a kickass “Airing of Grievances” during Festivus.
Best comment every. Still laughing.
OMG! That indeed was the funniest comment yet.
I’d like to be the fly on that wall during Festivus!!
I get the feeling that if you don’t follow instructions, she will write EVERYONE to tell them about it!
Amy Misto. You are my hero.
I love Marney, but I’m not in her family. I can only imagine the frustration. I agree, I think as the letter went on she got more and more angry remembering past Thansgiving dinner prep transgressions like when June Davis used the over-sized blue serving dish! Amy Misto can’t be trusted with a knife, we get that, and why does Marney even bother with her.
I love reading this letter every year, thanks AFP!
Ahhhh, yet another reason to spend the holidays with the OTHER side of the family…
Seriously, who would have such little respect for themselves as to actually placate this lunatic and comply with her ‘suggestions’???
Careful, Marnie, it’s only a matter of time before you’re left high and dry (and alone!) on Thanksgiving…but then some people deserve this, don’t they?
Thanksgiving just isn’t Thanksgiving without Marney.
If I were them I would co-ordinate with everyone on the list to screw up as many of these dishes just to see this crazy woman lose her mind on Thanksgiving! Nobody bring a pie knife! Throw out those recipes and do what you like! then make bets as to what kind of melt down she might have.
LOL…well…Call me a Marney for pointing this out but why is Amy bringing the pies but Michelle Bobble is bringing the pie knife?? And what is going to happen if Amy really doesn’t read the letter like Marney says and the family is left without pie?
I feel like she meant this to just make things easier but got angrier and angrier as she thought about past thanksgivings, hahaha, while writing this hence the passive aggressive comments. And all those precise measurements??? I can’t think of even the most ridiculous reason for that one.
I don’t know…I’m not going to say she’s a bad person or anything because all I know about her is this letter. And for all I know, maybe she was driven crazy by all the thanksgivings during which 5 family members showed up with the same thing or Mike Byron brought gallons of water and there were 230482456970932 cups to wash.
Obviously Marney Byron thinks that Michelle Bobble (nee Byron) is the ‘Good’ child who can follow Mommy’s exact directions, while Amy Misto (nee Byron) is a complete stuff-up who has the absolute gall to do her own thing her own way
Cheers to Amy Misto! I hope she continues to NOT read the insane rantings of an unmedicated psycho control freak.
If I got this letter from a relative who had invited me to Thanksgiving dinner, of course I wouldn’t want to go. (For the obvious reasons).
But also because I would be too afraid of screwing up the instructions I had been given. You just know that nothing is done up to this woman’s standards.
Usually, control freaks like this like to do everything on their own, so that everything is”perfect.”
I would have loved to see a videotape of how this actual Thanksgiving dinner played out.
Neither would I! I’d just make my family Thanksgiving dinner myself or we’d go to a restaurant, this woman just sounds like some one I would not want to be around at all!
I agree: I wouldn’t go. Marnie sounds high maintenance and anal retentive.
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