The Hostage

June 12th, 2010

The Hostage - Saturday Night Specials

Not every girl wants to grow up to look like Barbie.

(submitted by Kim)


80 Responses to “The Hostage”

  1. Steve says:

    I always thought Barbie kind of a hoochie mama…she needed to be punished – Ken

  2. BodhiE says:

    My nephew, when he was about five, had a treasured toy. It was the CareBear Grumpy (for those of you too young to remember CareBears, each was associated with an emotion). My nephew carried this beloved toy for years… As he grew older, when he was upset, he would threaten to tear the head off – His mother would ask him why he would want to kill something that he loved so much. One day, I felt that I could talk him into actually doing it… he had threatened to do it several times. Secretly, I filled the head with catsup (maybe it was ketchup) and restored it to his possession without him thinking it. Then, when he went into another fit, I edged him on to actually do it. Ketchup splattered everywhere. He didn’t quit crying for a week.

  3. mary says:

    THIS IS SO FUNNY and a tad scary

  4. Aussie Robbo says:

    Lil’ Sara P.

  5. Aussie Robbo says:

    “If that mean ol’ Blair witch comes out, I’m gonna squirt her with this holy water!”

  6. MeMyselfAndI says:

    When was little Martin and I would make “haunted houses” in my basement for our dads. We found my life size barbie doll… hung her from the rafters with a jump rope, we decided just to be cruel we would put the stool a couple of feet from her so a she died she could see her salvation. Fun times, fun times…

  7. Lee says:

    This is an awesome photo … one of the rare ones that are funny in a truly comical way. That devious grin on her face is perfect lol!

  8. Marissa Dutton says:

    OHHH. That’s a Barbie!? I thought it was a carrot!

  9. Celeste says:

    I never could give my daughter barbie or ken she would rip them limb from limb. But she is now a junior in high school and has turned out quite normal.

    • Miss Liz says:

      I am sorry to say but a junior in HIGH SCHOOL isn’t OUT yet…good luck with THAT one…it’s the quiet ones you gotta watch out for…

  10. Jennyfromtheblock says:

    wow.. I thought the kid with the Barbie was pretty funny. What scared me if the amount of Sarah Palin hater jokes on here.

  11. I approve of this execution.

  12. Belle says:

    This reminds me of the little evil kid in Toy Story that killed all of his toys :0

  13. MEB says:

    LOL! My kind of girl!

  14. ok..so?? says:

    I was always nice to my Barbies and Ken dolls… Now for Donnie Osmond… well when he got married… I chopped his feet off, now my cousin flushed her DO dolls head down the toilet. The things us girls will do when we are DENIED!

  15. Pippa says:

    What is that she’s holding? It looks like a carrot!

  16. Sassy says:

    She really did want to be Barbie…. Rosemary’s Barbie…..

  17. Tim says:

    “Oh-hi, Daddy! What’m I doin’? Oh, y’know…gettin’ ready top put a cap in Barbie’s a**…”

  18. Denise says:

    Me and my sister tied Barbie and Midge to the tether ball and smacked them around the pole with a baseball bat. We turned out okay. Well, at least I did.

  19. Spoonmom says:

    This is my little sister! And, I believe that was MY Barbie, and I was crying! :) Too funny!!!!!! I knew she submitted this months ago!

    • Ang says:

      Now it REALLY makes perfect sense! Shooting YOUR Barbie while you watch… Reminds me of when I used set fire to my brother’s cars!

    • Lenny says:

      I can’t believe the over-analytical observers of this photo. Wow. Over a hunk of plastic and some water. Well, my cousin and I used to burn ants with magnifying glasses. So far we have grown up normal. Except every once in a while I get one ant who will walk by me and whisper to me “Ant killer!” I try to explain I was seven. But they don’t know what seven is. Sometimes – when I see one crawling across the floor of my home, I get the itch. The itch to kill the ant again. And I smash it to bits. Then some other ants come by and eat him. I often get my violin out and play music for the dead ant. The other ants appreciate it. Some have forgiven us for our wrongdoings. Others never will. But I am perfectly sane. Absolutely perfectly sane. I promise! I swear! I love ants today. I hug them. Sometimes too tightly. And I cry to my brother George. And he says tomorrow we will be taking a walk into the forest – I am so excited. George is a great pal. He promised to get me an ant of my very own to hold and pet and hug. I better go to bed now. I get to meet my pet ant tomorrow.

  20. CB says:

    We used to pop the heads of our Barbies….then they got taken away…..then when we were more “mature” we were allowed to play with them again, as long as we did so “properly”. I enjoyed Barbie, after that…..

  21. Plano Mom says:

    I swear I know this girl. Sure looks like a little girl from my hometown. And… she’s a district ATTORNEY.

  22. christa says:

    I actually hung barbie from my staircase once. Ken was angry. I think she maybe cheated while she was “unconscious”. I don’t think knew what that meant.

  23. mrs5180 says:

    LOL …my girls liked playing with Barbies like most other girls, but would invariabley tie them up too–bedposts, furniture legs, etc. awww sweet memories

  24. Margo says:

    Actually, my favorite part in this shot is the large keg in the background with 5 bullet marks in it! No lil’ water gun did that!

    • Missy says:

      That is a barrel – not a “keg”. LOL. The non-lil’ water gun is clearly plastic in the little girls hands – I think it is even pink. Please stop watching CSI.

  25. taino sam says:

    dunt be shtupid! vee hev veys of making u talk!

  26. coNNie says:

    Tickle Me Elmo wouldn’t of been so frightning.

    Seeing tiny Barbie tied up seems so wrong.

  27. Tony says:

    A flame thrower would have been good too, or a ton of dynamite at the base of the tree. She’s my kinda kid!!!

  28. Kit says:

    “Say hello to my little friend.”

  29. Trish says:

    Oh Harry, don’t be such a pedant – we KNOW you know that’s a Barbie, because you had to scroll down past all the OTHER comments mentioning “Barbie tied to the tree”.

    And this is nothing – now, if she had had her little brother tied to the tree I might be a little worried ;)

    • Rae says:

      lol My best friend used to play “the villain” and tie me to a tree with a skipping rope. Then she’d play “the hero” (usually Wonder Woman) and come and rescue me.

  30. Harry says:

    I’m with Jonathon … this isn’t awkward or funny.

    A picture of a little girl with a water pistol (?), semi pointing it at a something blurry.

    • Lenore says:

      Really? The caption on this photo didn’t clue you in just a little? And you’ve obviously read the comments here because you’re agreeing with one of them, but you failed to notice that everyone else was able to identify the “something blurry” as a Barbie doll? Sorry, but I’m afraid you may be beyond help.

  31. DrStrangelove says:

    What is that weapon she’s holding?? It looks like, ummm, a Saturday Night Special!

  32. D'OH says:

    I loved the photo just because the little girl posing is cute and unconventional and then scrolled down to read the comments. Saw the comment about Barbie tied to the tree, scrolled back up and saw Barbie tied to the tree. Laughed LOUDLY and then L*O*V*E*D IT that much more!! This little girl ROCKS!!

  33. HeatherW says:

    “It puts the plastic heels on it’s plastic feet…..it does this whenever it’s asked…”

  34. DanielC says:

    She’s going to take down Barbie and everything she stands for.

  35. Lily says:

    What did Barbie do to deserve this? This is sooooo hilarious!!!

  36. ellen says:

    Where’s Ken? We need Ken tied to the tree too!

  37. Kazz says:

    The Bratz Girlz gang strikes again!

  38. Baldguy says:

    Aw, wasn’t Llittle Sarah cute? No wonder Mr. Palin fell in love with her ;-)

    DISCLAIMER: the above comment was made by someone who makes fun of both righties and lefties. Please spare me your wrath.

  39. scott says:

    math is hard, let’s go shopping!

  40. Cori says:

    So, you gots to ask yourself….do you feel lucky?

  41. Uncuw Biww says:

    No, some girls want to grow up to be Sarah Palin!

  42. jonathan says:

    um…ok? this one isn’t funny/awkward at all.

  43. Brian says:

    Sarah Palin’s parents did a great job! She turned out perfect!

  44. Janellionaire says:

    nice documentation. most barbie torture/mutilation is purely anecdotal.

  45. Pikkewyn says:

    Aww! Remember when you were young and innocent and dreamed of what you would be when you grew up? An astronaut. A movie star. A firing squad executioner.
    But then real life slaps you in the face and you end up majoring in something practical. That poor girl probably grew up to be an attorney or something horrible like that. Sigh!

  46. meri says:

    Sweet Mother of God, I just realized she has Barbie tied to the tree. Extreme.

  47. melissa a says:

    way to stick it to the man!

  48. Adrienne says:

    It’s a good start, but it’s so much more fun to watch Barbie in the microwave. Not that I would know….

    • carol says:

      haha, funny!

    • ScoutC says:

      I used to shoot at my Barbies with those suction-cup arrows in the basement, after I had chopped their hair off, of course. I also used to tattoo them with magic marker ink and my mom’s sewing needles. This was 40+ years ago before everybody and his/her cousin had tattoos. Good times!

    • mary says:

      we probably didn’t have them back then!

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