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Benjamina Button

“I was born in 1981 but turned 55 in 1992.”

(via source)

Unfortunate

“I guess I shouldn’t have taken the extra fortune cookie from the ’empty’ table.”

(via source)

You’re Fired

“My friend’s son left this ‘love note’ on her pillow.”

(via source)

The Death Spell

“Look, a Father’s Day card from my ten-year-old daughter. Oh wait…”

(via source)

Nap Resistance

“I got one child to nap. The other one is stubborn.”

(via source)

Big Bear

“My girlfriend is the worst impulse shopper. And the happiest.”

(via source)

Hay Fever

“My friend’s son didn’t have the best time at the hay ride.”

(via source)

The Deadliest Bun

“My mother-in-law thinks quivers are overrated.”

(via source)

Freedom

“Not only is is the first day of school, it’s the first year with ALL kids in school!”

(submitted by Jeff)

Ocean Spray

“I didn’t tell my aunt and uncle about that one wave.”

(via source)