The Thanksgiving Letter

November 26th, 2009

The Thanksgiving Letter - Thanksgiving

 submitted by Kara at

Listen to a dramatic reading of Marney’s famous letter.

After years of trying, Marney agreed to sit down with AFP and discuss her famous letter.

And now, you can get the official Marney Shirt! Image of regulation-size casserole dish included.


3,042 Responses to “The Thanksgiving Letter”

  1. NWK says:

    20lbs more like it

  2. Samantha says:

    I wonder if this woman actually had a scale to weigh all the dishes with specific weights. Why does it matter whether the green beans weight four pounds and asparagus five pounds? Is someone going to say, “I’m sorry but that casserole of green beans is just a tad over four pounds. I don’t think I can eat it.”

  3. bradical says:

    I’m just glad someone finally caled Lisa out on being such a sponge for all these years. Trust Marney to deal with the elephant in the room so diplomatically.

  4. Aaron says:

    I think I’d definitely bring five pounds of whole potatoes in a non-regulation casserole, and prosciutto pinwheels with my own twist on the recipe, just to make it fun.

  5. Paulsv says:

    I would write her back and tell her that she forgot to include instructions on how we were all to dress and a script of everything we were all required / permitted to say at dinner.

  6. megandrewsmom says:

    “Regulation size casserole”?! And why would you ask for turnips if most people hate them?! Seriously?!

    • william says:

      May as well be turnips, it’d be a shame to waste delicious food when everyone’s going to be having such a rotten time anyway.

  7. Stephen says:

    “I don’t know why I even bother…” LMAO

  8. Mr. 200 says:

    Why does she try to control everyone?…

  9. Molly says:

    so i decided to look up this regulation size casserole. Considering i had never heard of one and being an avid watcher of the food network had never heard it mentioned before. Come to find out, i couldnt find a damn thing! Marney if you expect people to bring things in a regulation size casserole at least give us the dimensions!

  10. Anastasia says:



    Unfortunately, Mike’s mother is not in a good way, so we’re going to head out to Pennsylvania to spend the holiday with her and Mike’s sisters. It might be the last time they’re all together, I’m sure you understand. Plus they love turnips, so….

    Regards, your sister Linda


    Aunt Marney,

    Sorry, but Bob is so sick this year and we’re afraid it might be that swine flu, so we’re just going to order in. But you guys have fun!




    David’s family has decided to have Thanksgiving in Jamaica! Can you believe that? Well, really it’s a cruise, but anyway they’ve invited me and David and we haven’t been on a cruise since our honeymoon, but we LOVED IT, so since they’re being gracious enough to pick up the tab, how can we refuse? LOL! No one would want any appetizer I bring anyway. I’ll send pics of the trip!




    Seriously. As I’ve told you EVERY YEAR SINCE 1993, WE ARE NOT COMING. Things have been so much better since we just decided to go to Remington’s on Thanksgiving. Honestly, too much stress and you know Hal can’t take that with his heart. Please take us out of the letter next year. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.



    Mom—sigh. You know Jim was laid off two months ago. So yeah, I’m not too terribly worried about the blue casserole dish or your favorite wine. We’ll be there, I guess, but honestly, I’m just going to bring what I bring. Remember what the counselor told you about letting go? June





  11. delenn13 says:

    I would show up with a CAN of cranberries(plain jelled) unopened , a soup spoon, tupperware container with no lid and lots and lots of aluminum foil.

  12. Brad says:

    It’s not possible that Marney still has a spouse…it it?

  13. Stevo says:

    How come no one was asked to bring cross… I mean compound bows for the family picture???

  14. Renagade676 says:

    So, what happened this year? I am curious to find out what happened after this was sent out.

  15. asl says:

    I hope the entire family brought mac and cheese.

  16. ebflo says:

    This is crazy. I would have brought a cat food jello mold.

  17. Alicia says:

    😀 So hillarious I wonder if it’s fictional, lol.

  18. Lydia says:

    Isn’t thanksgiving a time to be THANKFUL? If we wanted a national nagging hag day we’d celebrate it every last Thursday of November. I hope those turnips made a huge mess.

  19. Monika says:

    I would have gone to this party and drastically not followed my directions. People this controlling beg to be messed with.

  20. Just my opinion says:

    Kara, you gotta tell us how things went? Did anyone lose it on Marney. Is she medicated yet? Did she lighten up this year? Please tell me someone sabatoged by not putting things in regulation size casserole dishes. I’m really hoping everyone filled up on Lisa’s appetizers and had no room for Marneys turkey. This would be funny

  21. DAVAD says:

    Has anyone punched this $*%@% in the )#$& yet?

  22. yzh says:

    O. M. G…

  23. EKS says:

    I’d show up with a Marie Callender’s turkey dinner and one of their pies.

  24. Sara says:

    “Regulation size caserole dish” as listed in the NTA’s (national thanksgiving association) rule book and guidelines

  25. zombie ninja says:

    This may be the single greatest thing the internet has ever given me.

  26. kandee says:

    Like many others, I wanna know why HJB is getting off so easy by just having to bring wine? For cripe’s sakes, Marn didn’t even tell him/her what kind of wine to bring. wth? How biased. Totally not fair and discriminatory. Also, why is it that the Lisa Byron Chesterford family cannot bring cocktail sauce? What’s wrong with it?
    I would really be tempted to bring Krystals and Corn Pups to the dinner. haha. Either that or just not go. Way too much pressure and tension for this Southern girl.

    • gustibus says:

      Cocktail sauce (and all the other dips and sauces Marney put the cosh on) STAINS, which suggests that by the end of the dinner, the whole gang ends up flinging the stuff at her like monkeys throwing their poo–and serves her right, too.

  27. girlgeek says:

    This is exactly what the Natives wrote to the Pilgrims before that first Thanksgiving.

  28. Karenn says:

    You’re my hero, Marney!

  29. madre compadre says:

    that lady is ridiculous! I would never go to that thanksgiving party… ever.

  30. jnmcnally says:

    Has it been a year already?! Thanks for re-posting this classic.

  31. Carly says:

    Where is the regulation on casserole dishes?

  32. bluetutu says:

    This is the best thing on the entire internet.

  33. Kathy says:

    I think Amy Misto has the right idea.. I wound’t read that letter either!

  34. “Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time…”

    Yeah, right. In your dreams, maybe.

    A letter like this would bring out my most demon-like behavior…..

  35. Patti says:

    This is amazing!! my favorite line has to be in the section to the June Davis Family…

    put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids..

    regulation size casserole….LMAO

    this woman has some serious issues, I hope everyone boycotted the dinner.

  36. Joanne says:

    My heart still goes out to newly married Lisa. Thanksgiving is now complete!

  37. Miranda says:

    I printed this out for my family and read it to them this Thanksgiving! I love that you posted it again. This is one of our favorites xD

  38. Matthew says:

    Seriously, this is just so classic.

  39. Sally says:

    I hope every single family member screwed up their assignments on purpose!

  40. wombat says:

    still hysterically funny, no matter how many times i read it!!

  41. Teresa says:

    I cannot believe the nerve of this person. I assume she ends up spending the holidays alone.

  42. carol says:

    What’s a regulation size casserole? Just curious.

  43. mathewsmom says:

    I am DYING to know how this gathering went … please let us know. A hidden camera video of this gathering would be awesome. This letter makes me SO GRATEFUL for the family I married into!!

    • Shannon F says:

      They probably all sat around the dining room table like robots while Marney talked about the next year’s happy festivities.

  44. carol says:

    15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon!!?? 15 LBS?! That’s a lot of peeling, etc. Marney is unbelievable… and infamous by now.

  45. Kelli says:

    Being from a proper southern family……a generous dish of head cheese seems in order…

  46. Gregorian says:

    I think if I received that email, I would turn up with Drive-Thru McDonalds.

  47. Makes me wish we celebrated Thanksgiving. Almost.

  48. CryoticHill says:

    I would never, ever, ever goto that Thanksgiving… OMG!

  49. Carmen says:

    Control freak!

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