The Protector

November 9th, 2010

The Protector - *AFP Hall Of Fame*

You should see this father when a telemarketer calls after 6.

(submitted by Jairus)

267 Responses to “The Protector”

  1. sevanderslice says:

    I know this is super dorky, but I kinda like this picture. *shifts eyes*

  2. zack says:

    this is just um… awkward

  3. Jason Daley says:

    I’d make that face too if my crotch were getting devoured by a fox!

  4. Petal says:

    The fox sporran, the forrest, the sword, the flowing white dress, the beard, the pose – so much awkwardness in one photo.

  5. catman says:

    well….to have a wife that SMOKING HOT, he must be doing somtehing right.

  6. Timmy says:

    husband posing with the ol’ battle ax. in more ways than one…

  7. Gourd says:

    I admit I’m a little envious of this and wish I had thought of the idea for (one of) my oen wedding portraits. Sure beats another elbow shelf.

  8. Trina says:

    I know mamma and she’s a natural blonde who dyes her hair dark. That solves the blonde kid question!

  9. Suzanne says:

    What is the hot mom doing with Braveheart/ Highlander/ Fox Crotch?

  10. LM says:

    I’m confused by whatever is between his legs…?!

  11. Song Dog says:

    Hobbies: 1. Medieval battle re-enactor
    2. Poleaxe, mace and pike collecting
    3. Kiss conventions — Gene Simmons impersonator
    4. Secretary/treasurer of “Sleeveless Button-down Shirt Club”
    5. Taxidermy

  12. Sassy says:

    What the fox is with that sporran?

  13. Erik says:

    momma looks good!

  14. Moxie says:

    I went to college with that guy and he dressed like that often. He married her in a kilt. I love that he posted it here. I lol’d so hard 🙂

    • Kit says:

      I also went to college with him. If you know him, there is nothing particularly surprising about this photo, and I mean that in the best way. He is awesome but at least two sigma.

      • Kymberli says:

        I know all three of them and there were lots of kilted men in their wedding…and the child is a boy to all the previous posts that were calling him a girl…he is definitely, without a doubt, a boy. Promise. Good people, btw!

  15. Mic C says:

    D’ya think that battle axe is the sharpest tool in the shed?

  16. Jesse says:

    Daddy, it’s not nice to pull up your kilt like that!

  17. erin says:

    it’s called a sporran.

  18. CB says:

    Such hilarious comments on this one….but really, what the crap is happening here? A family joke photo, I hope.

  19. ellen says:

    I’m so confused…

  20. tia says:

    it is a funny picture. i shall now share a science fact: dark haired people CAN, indeed, have a light haired child (if both pass on the recessive light haired gene). it is much less likely that 2 light haired people could have a dark haired child. i’m just sayin’….

    • srnbob says:

      Thank you! The comments about the blond kid are pretty ridiculous. I was a blond child born to dark haired parents and my hair darkened with age. People talk like it’s impossible, not to mention the fact that the dark hair is most likely not natural.

      • thelocket says:

        My brother has very dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He was blonde as a child. My sister-in-law has black hair (1/2 mexican) and brown eyes. Their son is blue eyed and blonde. Not dark blonde, but a dirty, lightish blonde. His hair was almost white as a baby. He is 13 now. He is the spitting image of my brother, so no worries on the paternity.

        On a side note, my dad has black hair, my mom has brown; I was born blonde and now my hair is very dark brown. so yeah, it’s possible.

  21. Cinnie says:

    Am I alone in thinking Dad is hot? I totally would.

  22. Steve says:

    From what I’ve seen at Ren Faires, the fox skins are sold as belt decorations (not that I’ve bought one, nor do I want to). Too bad the subject put one close to the crotchal region…

  23. Kay says:

    Upon Thor hearing his wife’s confession, of what he suspected all along about the true paternity of their child, he flew into a murderous rage!

  24. Jen says:

    I can just hear the wind machine blowing his mane around.

  25. Anne says:

    I think this is my favorite caption……EVER.

  26. ej says:

    Quite the lion cloth.

  27. Mister Mr. says:

    Wow nothing says tough guy like I ride a wolf or perhaps I stuff wolves in my crotch?

  28. Erin says:

    Is it possible that the mother and child are actually part of the background, and not real people? Their “costumes” look more authentic and it doesn’t seem likely that the child of two people with hair as dark as these two would be blonde. I know thats totally not the point, but still can’t help wondering…

    • enzsol says:

      my kid has blonde hair. my ex and i both have dark blonde hair. it’s b/c ex was blonde when he was a kid and it naturally got darker. so ya, it does happen.

    • snow says:

      My aunt and uncle both have dark brown hair, but one of their kids has blonde hair and blue eyes

  29. Ginnintonix says:

    I kind of like the kilt/sporran/ax combination: it goes with the hair. I hadn’t realized that Scots traditionally top that off with sleeveless button-front shirt.

  30. cranky says:

    So are they really outside or is that one of those Olan Mills scenic backdrops? The lighting is weird. The kid needs a thought bubble above his head saying “Yeah, Braveheart, you go right ahead and “defend” us with your scary scary crotch wolverine and shiny battle axe. Fifteen more years and Timmy is OUTTA HERE!”

  31. shan says:

    Bad romance novel cover?

  32. Nudz says:

    I don’t even know where to start or what to say about this beautiful insanity.

  33. Shane says:

    Wow….I see pics like this…and I just honestly do not know what to say…………

    The fact that people…would want portraits done of such strange things…is so beyond my understanding.

    I am a bit concerned for the poor child who is witnessing her father…just a moment before he clearly axed the poor camera man!

    Who is this ‘fox crotch’ dad anyway….good grief…

  34. Bryan says:

    A blonde child? I think a Viking may have already “invaded” your village, Wallace.

  35. Merv says:


    He better know how to use that poleaxe, ’cause I’m going to run right over him to get to mama. She’s hot! And baby seems a little too fair to come from such a swarthy sire.

  36. Jim says:

    The real protector is the fox in front of his loins.

  37. Fammy says:

    Excuse me, sir, but there’s a dead fox on your junk.

  38. Kin2mice says:

    Does anyone else think it is slightly odd that both mommy and daddy have long flowing dark hair while baby has so much lighter coloured hair? This looks so much like a Historical Romance book cover I wonder if they stole the idea or if this was staged with a borrowed baby for someones portfolio? Still you would think if this was staged or idea-napped they would get the fence and weird animal crotch thingy right.

    • charles says:

      What…..?!?!? You think this wasn’t staged?

    • Jiejie says:

      Some very dark-haired people were blond as children, and sometimes their children turn out the same way. I had white-blond hair until I was 5, and my hair is now very dark (for a white girl’s, anyway). If I ever have kids they might be blond too, even if their dad is dark-haired.

  39. Glenna says:

    Is Dad protecting the family from other animals which might attack their crotches, as his was attacked? What a guy.

  40. Joe says:

    I can’t make out what’s happenning around the dad’s crutch area.

  41. farm says:

    At least the dad can play the part….

  42. Carol says:

    If you buy a cowboy outfit you can be a cowboy too!

  43. Helen says:

    Is that a coyote in your pants or are you just glad to see me????

  44. Ali says:

    UHHHHHHHH…OMG! what is THAT between his legs??!!!

    • Chemgirl says:

      OMG I think I know what it is! Is it one of those purse things that Scotsmen hang from their belt on their kilt, except it’s made of fur???? At least I hope it is, otherwise I am traumatized by the image.

  45. Shawna says:

    Is that a fox in your crotch or are you just happy to see me?

  46. boppie says:

    I think the conversation went like this: “We need a family photo – ” “Imma stop you right there. I don’t want one.” “But our baby has his own email address, and no one has ever seen his picture.” “…” “What if…I let you pick the theme?” “I can pick whatever I want?” “…Yesss…” “If I can wear WHATEVER I want, dead or alive, I’ll do it.” “Did you just say, dead or alive?”

  47. George says:

    After McGyver lost the part as the lead in Beowulf, he never could get over it…

  48. Katie says:

    I’m guessing they took this just so they can blow it up big and hang in a position of honor when the girl grows up and starts having dates. Way to think ahead, Dad!

  49. HeatherW says:

    Ok, ok…..THIS Dad is a Highlander!

  50. Don says:

    They may take our geraniums, but they will never take our FREEDOM!

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