“Christmas Card from a great uncle. He captures squirrels and loves Walker Texas Ranger.”
(submitted by Katie)
“I’m Buddy the Elf. What’s your favorite color? Good news! I saw a dog today”
I think my mother-in law and Katie’s uncle are related! This reads like a letter from her, and the handwriting is even the same! Wait just a cotton pickin’ minute…Maybe they’re the SAME PERSON!!! I mean, I’ve never seen them in the same place at the same time! And she just loves “Walker Texas Ranger!” Okay, case solved. I’m going on break.
254, baby! <3
I’m from Waco…Lol
I like turtles
the first time i read i laughed out so hard i was crying . the second time i just thought what a sweet person…
i did the same thing.
all that talk of squirrels had him right “supper” for super…
It actually sounds to me that he is answering questions that were asked of him. I think someone wrote something to him and he is responding and each number is an answer to something asked of him. Just my thoughts anyway.
This could have been a conversation with my grandparents if they were still alive. My grandfather never trapped squirrels but he sure did complain about them and I swear he could tell them apart. My grandmother LOVED Walker Texas Ranger and when I drove through Waco I did stop at the museum and get her some stuff from the gift shop!
I wondered where all those squirrels came from!
You just KNOW at some point someone said, “….uh, did it ever occur to you that you’ve taken the same squirrel to the park 138 times and he keeps riding back to your house on your car?”
I think this is from my parents’ neighbor! He got on a kick of trapping the squirrels out of his yard and driving them out to the park down the highway. How hilarious if he’s not the only old man to do this!
Definitely not the only one…my neighbor does it also….
This is so sweet – makes me miss my Dad so much – definitely the kind of note he’s write even before the Alzheimer’s set in!
As a person who’s been through Waco more times than I care to admit, all I can say is the fact that this was written by someone from there explains everything.
This reminds me of Grandpa Simpson. “…and I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time!”
My first thought was ….. the squirrels go for a long car ride to “the park” and never return, then the grandson goes for a long car ride to “the zoo”. Has anyone heard from the grandson lately?
Awesome! I’m crying from laughing at all the comments.
If he’s anything like my father Goldie, he keeps a chart on the fridge. Katie should write back to suggest he spraypaint a spot on their tails before he releases them to make sure they’re not finding their way back. Funny if it turns out he caught and released the same 10 squirrels over and over.
I agree with all the comments about how sweet this is! A little rambling, but that’s how old people can be. Rather endearing card, in my opinion.
I kinda want to be that guy when I grow up. How did he keep count of all the squirrels, though?
My grandfather would have written a card like this. This man seems really sweet.
At least he didn’t use the compound bow on the squirrels!
This seems like a test in which you must identify the impertinent information and then solve the problem. If he has carted off 138 squirrels and an opossum to a park 4 miles away how far has he driven with squirrels in his car…
Lol! I’m totally flashing back to high school word problems. 🙂
You obviously have no elderly relatives.
He sounds like a very sweet man. This made me laugh. Getting a card like this would make my day. 🙂
I think so too. Adorable!
This is so obviously photoshopped. I’m just saying;)
TOTALLY photoshopped! And it’s not even a family photo. WTH?!
I love this. I have relatives like this. They wouldn’t consider the story complete unless they told you 1) how many squirrels they’ve carted off, 2) the acreage of the park, and 3) the distance to the park from their house. I’m sure he knows his mileage too, and would like to tell you about it if you asked.
Well at least he did not use the word ” vomit ” in his Christmas news update. Unlike the one I got a few years ago from a college friend. I am sure her dweeby husband thought that telling all the friends and family that one of the kids threw up while camping out west
was the most interesting part of the year to read about.
Oh, I couldn’t agree more. I once got a Christmas newsletter from some friends that actually talked about phlegm. I will never forget it.
I think that is so sweet. No one writes anymore. And the Walker Texas Ranger bit is precious! I hope the recipient visits or writes often.
Love the jump from opossum to Walker: Texas Ranger!
I think he sounds sweet!
“Hello, Ralph? It’s your sister Marney. Listen, I need your contribution for this year’s Christmas letter. Please write it in cursive as your printing is hard to read. Don’t underline any of the words – it makes it hard to follow. And please write it on lined paper, 20 lb. stock. No cards please. And finally, please describe events in your life that are easy to rhyme; as you’ll recall, ‘Ralph did something the family thought awesome / When he set up his trap and nabbed an opossum!’ from last year’s letter is still causing me great embarrassment at my weekly cribbage games. Thanks, Ralph, talk to you soon.”
This is def a WINNER!
P.S.~ Ralph, your contribution to this past Thanksgiving dinner leaves me no choice but to discontinue inviting you until you can show better taste and the ability to play by the rules. Maybe you should try using those friendly wildlife traps that don’t kill the animals? And let them go in a park? If you do that, make sure that the park is at least 3.5 miles from your house, and 150 to 300 acres.
Marney… FTW !
Are those opossum cages ‘regulation’ size?
I used to work for a wildlife related non-profit, and frequently saw letters like this.
Nope, nope. This guy is DEFENDING himself! Not just describing hobbies. His wife is on facebook a lot – that means she’s under 60, most likely. Someone crabbed about him catching animals in traps, and he’s clarifying that he takes them to a happy place.
Are you serious? My mom is 75 and is on facebook all the time. Why does his wife have to be under 60? And why has no one mentioned the guy’s favorite show is “Walker Texas Ranger”?
My grandfather is 85 and he’s on Facebook- and he would write a letter that would be similar to this!
I couldn’t figure out what the “Waco 200” was. Is that like the Indy 500?
I think it’s “Waco Zoo”
Where are the lions and tigers and bears?
I thought that #1 said: “Jeri keeps busy on face book with most of your sisters”
cute, but not very awkward.
Well.. I think a 138 squirrel and opossum trapping tale is pretty awkward for a Christmas greeting. Especially if Katie is a grown woman. At the very least this note should be to an eight year old. Very awkward and definitely hilarious and reminds me of my uncle and his backyard squirrels and their radio station preferences. There must be one in every family.
Funny, mentioning Walker Texas Ranger made it even more awkward for me… 🙂
I think it’s really awkward! The numbering of points he wants to make is fantastic. I like the careful notation of mileage also. And why do old people like Walker Texas Ranger so much? A lot of them do!
The Waco zoo is pretty great.. as far as zoos go … 🙂
I found this hilarious. To those who didn’t get it, it’s obvious the man is elderly and he’s just telling about his hobbies. I work with the elderly and they can be so funny. In under five minutes they will tell you all sorts of things about themselves and their families. This man sounds like one of my patients, especially the part about the squirrels damaging his bird feeders and his mentioning Walker Texas Ranger!
Brandy, I though the same thing, he sounds like a nice old guy. 🙂 Bizarre hobbies, but a nice guy to take the time to write a note in his Christmas card- how many people do that these days?!
This sounds like my husbands grandpa. He buys the Mexican news paper so he can learn Spanish for when he goes to Mexico Missouri. Hoo cracks me up.
Ditto. I work at a hospital, and any number of my elderly patients could have written this letter. I love old people!
Catching squirrels? I prefer Poisoning Pigeons in the Park!
And who doesn’t love Tom Lehrer? 😉
It just takes a smidgen!
AFP’s new mobile site design prevents me from zooming the image on my iPhone bah!
you can still click to see full site, bill
is the awkward part about the squirrels? dont get it…??!
I wonder how long the squirrels survive at the park with all those bobcats running around!
I am laughing so hard, I am crying..
I think the awkward part is that the writer itimizes!
I lived in this part of Texas, and I can assure you, it’s no exaggeration. Waco, however, has the Texas RANGERS Hall of Fame. It’s next to my favorite cemetery (I went to Baylor)
Favorite cemetery? What?????
Oh man, bobcats, favorite cemeteries–I love weird people!! I haven’t stopped laughing since I read this thing and the next 15 people pointed out, “I THINK HE SAID JERI KEEPS BUSY WITH MOST OF YOUR SISTERS ON FACEBOOK.” This is hilarious.
Sic ’em Bears!!
Having trouble reading some of this. Is there going to be a “translation”?
1 – We appreciate hearing from you. Geri keeps buys on 4 acre back with most of your sisters.
2 – I catch squirrels in my back yard as they damage my bird feeders. I take them to a 160 acres 4 miles from the house. I do all my walking @ the park.
3 – There are deer, rabbits, birds, snakes, bob cats, road runners, opossum, raccoons, large spiders, squirrels, + much more. Since 2001 I’ve taken 138 squirrels to the park. No they don’t jump back on my car + ride back. Once the trap is open they are gone. I caught a opossum in my trap the other night. One of my favorite shows is — “Walker-Texas Ranger.” Last year my son-in-law Jack + Grandson (Hope this merry) Kaleb went to (Christmas Season) Waco 100 miles (brings you) TX Hall of Fame then (special happiness) to the Waco zoo. Super trip.
I actually think that first part of #1 might be:
1-We appreciate hearing from you. Jeri keeps busy with most your sisters on face book.
(great job with the rest. took me a few times to get through it.)
“4 acre back” is, I believe, Face Book!
I’m pretty sure it’s “keeps busy on Facebook with most of your sisters.”
Not “4 acre back”, it’s Face Book. Get it ?
I think the second line is “Jeri keeps busy on Face book with most of your sisters.”
I used to work in a pharmacy and got pretty good at deciphering doctors’ scribbles.
I think driving the squirrels to a park is sweet.
I think it says “jeri keeps busy on facebook with most of your sisters”
I think that’s “Jeri keeps busy on facebook with most of your sisters.” not “buys on 4 acre”
Just saying… I think he is talking about facebook
OK I THINK THEY GET THAT IT SAID FACEBOOK YOUR THE 9TH PERSON TO SAY THAT !!!!
The comment section is just as AWK-WARD!
It says Geri keeps busy on face book with most of your sisters
I think laughed hardest at the part where he admits one of his favorite shows is “Walker Texas Ranger”.
I’m a good driver. I’m a very good driver.
wow, just wow. mu head hurtw.
AND i can’t spell 🙂
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