The Christmas Card

December 24th, 2010

The Christmas Card - Christmas

“Christmas Card from a great uncle. He captures squirrels and loves Walker Texas Ranger.”

(submitted by Katie)

97 Responses to “The Christmas Card”

  1. Indigo says:

    “I’m Buddy the Elf. What’s your favorite color? Good news! I saw a dog today”

  2. The Beeb says:

    I think my mother-in law and Katie’s uncle are related! This reads like a letter from her, and the handwriting is even the same! Wait just a cotton pickin’ minute…Maybe they’re the SAME PERSON!!! I mean, I’ve never seen them in the same place at the same time! And she just loves “Walker Texas Ranger!” Okay, case solved. I’m going on break.

  3. Taylor says:

    254, baby! <3

  4. Jerry says:

    I’m from Waco…Lol

  5. pete says:

    I like turtles

  6. raphaelle says:

    the first time i read i laughed out so hard i was crying . the second time i just thought what a sweet person…

  7. mary says:

    all that talk of squirrels had him right “supper” for super…

  8. Stacey says:

    It actually sounds to me that he is answering questions that were asked of him. I think someone wrote something to him and he is responding and each number is an answer to something asked of him. Just my thoughts anyway.

  9. HeatherJ says:

    This could have been a conversation with my grandparents if they were still alive. My grandfather never trapped squirrels but he sure did complain about them and I swear he could tell them apart. My grandmother LOVED Walker Texas Ranger and when I drove through Waco I did stop at the museum and get her some stuff from the gift shop!

  10. uhclem says:

    I wondered where all those squirrels came from!

  11. Jimbo says:

    You just KNOW at some point someone said, “….uh, did it ever occur to you that you’ve taken the same squirrel to the park 138 times and he keeps riding back to your house on your car?”

  12. Carol says:

    I think this is from my parents’ neighbor! He got on a kick of trapping the squirrels out of his yard and driving them out to the park down the highway. How hilarious if he’s not the only old man to do this!

  13. Krissylyn says:

    This is so sweet – makes me miss my Dad so much – definitely the kind of note he’s write even before the Alzheimer’s set in!

  14. Tom Fool says:

    As a person who’s been through Waco more times than I care to admit, all I can say is the fact that this was written by someone from there explains everything.

  15. jenna says:

    This reminds me of Grandpa Simpson. “…and I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time!”

  16. LA says:

    My first thought was ….. the squirrels go for a long car ride to “the park” and never return, then the grandson goes for a long car ride to “the zoo”. Has anyone heard from the grandson lately?

  17. Lesley says:

    If he’s anything like my father Goldie, he keeps a chart on the fridge. Katie should write back to suggest he spraypaint a spot on their tails before he releases them to make sure they’re not finding their way back. Funny if it turns out he caught and released the same 10 squirrels over and over.

  18. vjhr says:

    I agree with all the comments about how sweet this is! A little rambling, but that’s how old people can be. Rather endearing card, in my opinion.

  19. Goldie says:

    I kinda want to be that guy when I grow up. How did he keep count of all the squirrels, though?

  20. Me says:

    My grandfather would have written a card like this. This man seems really sweet.

  21. cowgirl says:

    At least he didn’t use the compound bow on the squirrels!

  22. Suzanne says:

    This seems like a test in which you must identify the impertinent information and then solve the problem. If he has carted off 138 squirrels and an opossum to a park 4 miles away how far has he driven with squirrels in his car…

  23. Tom says:

    Obviously fake!

  24. B says:

    He sounds like a very sweet man. This made me laugh. Getting a card like this would make my day. 🙂

  25. Joe the Man says:

    This is so obviously photoshopped. I’m just saying;)

  26. CarrieM says:

    I love this. I have relatives like this. They wouldn’t consider the story complete unless they told you 1) how many squirrels they’ve carted off, 2) the acreage of the park, and 3) the distance to the park from their house. I’m sure he knows his mileage too, and would like to tell you about it if you asked.

  27. noodengr says:

    Well at least he did not use the word ” vomit ” in his Christmas news update. Unlike the one I got a few years ago from a college friend. I am sure her dweeby husband thought that telling all the friends and family that one of the kids threw up while camping out west
    was the most interesting part of the year to read about.

    • vjhr says:

      Oh, I couldn’t agree more. I once got a Christmas newsletter from some friends that actually talked about phlegm. I will never forget it.

  28. Lynn says:

    I think that is so sweet. No one writes anymore. And the Walker Texas Ranger bit is precious! I hope the recipient visits or writes often.

  29. bigrig says:

    Love the jump from opossum to Walker: Texas Ranger!

  30. Karen says:

    I think he sounds sweet!

  31. Jules says:


  32. Jeff says:

    “Hello, Ralph? It’s your sister Marney. Listen, I need your contribution for this year’s Christmas letter. Please write it in cursive as your printing is hard to read. Don’t underline any of the words – it makes it hard to follow. And please write it on lined paper, 20 lb. stock. No cards please. And finally, please describe events in your life that are easy to rhyme; as you’ll recall, ‘Ralph did something the family thought awesome / When he set up his trap and nabbed an opossum!’ from last year’s letter is still causing me great embarrassment at my weekly cribbage games. Thanks, Ralph, talk to you soon.”

  33. luckybug says:

    I used to work for a wildlife related non-profit, and frequently saw letters like this.

  34. amy says:

    Nope, nope. This guy is DEFENDING himself! Not just describing hobbies. His wife is on facebook a lot – that means she’s under 60, most likely. Someone crabbed about him catching animals in traps, and he’s clarifying that he takes them to a happy place.

    • kelley says:

      Are you serious? My mom is 75 and is on facebook all the time. Why does his wife have to be under 60? And why has no one mentioned the guy’s favorite show is “Walker Texas Ranger”?

    • Betsy says:

      My grandfather is 85 and he’s on Facebook- and he would write a letter that would be similar to this!

  35. Carole says:

    I couldn’t figure out what the “Waco 200” was. Is that like the Indy 500?

  36. Sandy says:

    Where are the lions and tigers and bears?

  37. Melanie says:

    I thought that #1 said: “Jeri keeps busy on face book with most of your sisters”

  38. julieq says:

    cute, but not very awkward.

    • Mic C says:

      Well.. I think a 138 squirrel and opossum trapping tale is pretty awkward for a Christmas greeting. Especially if Katie is a grown woman. At the very least this note should be to an eight year old. Very awkward and definitely hilarious and reminds me of my uncle and his backyard squirrels and their radio station preferences. There must be one in every family.

    • CarrieM says:

      I think it’s really awkward! The numbering of points he wants to make is fantastic. I like the careful notation of mileage also. And why do old people like Walker Texas Ranger so much? A lot of them do!

  39. Trish says:

    The Waco zoo is pretty great.. as far as zoos go … 🙂

  40. Brandy says:

    I found this hilarious. To those who didn’t get it, it’s obvious the man is elderly and he’s just telling about his hobbies. I work with the elderly and they can be so funny. In under five minutes they will tell you all sorts of things about themselves and their families. This man sounds like one of my patients, especially the part about the squirrels damaging his bird feeders and his mentioning Walker Texas Ranger!

    • Kathy says:

      Brandy, I though the same thing, he sounds like a nice old guy. 🙂 Bizarre hobbies, but a nice guy to take the time to write a note in his Christmas card- how many people do that these days?!

      • heather says:

        This sounds like my husbands grandpa. He buys the Mexican news paper so he can learn Spanish for when he goes to Mexico Missouri. Hoo cracks me up.

    • Gina says:

      Ditto. I work at a hospital, and any number of my elderly patients could have written this letter. I love old people!

  41. Baldguy says:

    Catching squirrels? I prefer Poisoning Pigeons in the Park!

  42. Bill says:

    AFP’s new mobile site design prevents me from zooming the image on my iPhone bah!

  43. dontgetit says:

    is the awkward part about the squirrels? dont get it…??!

  44. Dan says:

    Having trouble reading some of this. Is there going to be a “translation”?

    • Santa says:

      1 – We appreciate hearing from you. Geri keeps buys on 4 acre back with most of your sisters.
      2 – I catch squirrels in my back yard as they damage my bird feeders. I take them to a 160 acres 4 miles from the house. I do all my walking @ the park.
      3 – There are deer, rabbits, birds, snakes, bob cats, road runners, opossum, raccoons, large spiders, squirrels, + much more. Since 2001 I’ve taken 138 squirrels to the park. No they don’t jump back on my car + ride back. Once the trap is open they are gone. I caught a opossum in my trap the other night. One of my favorite shows is — “Walker-Texas Ranger.” Last year my son-in-law Jack + Grandson (Hope this merry) Kaleb went to (Christmas Season) Waco 100 miles (brings you) TX Hall of Fame then (special happiness) to the Waco zoo. Super trip.

      Best Wishes

    • LOL says:

      The comment section is just as AWK-WARD!

    • hanley says:

      It says Geri keeps busy on face book with most of your sisters

    • RobertN says:

      I think laughed hardest at the part where he admits one of his favorite shows is “Walker Texas Ranger”.

  45. Shan says:

    I’m a good driver. I’m a very good driver.

  46. Chrissy says:

    wow, just wow. mu head hurtw.

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