Dad’s Post-Kid-Puking Texts to Mom Are So Awful They’re Funny
Being a parent means being exposed to bodily fluids, so regularly that you become immune to them. Well, most of the time–occasionally a situation becomes so gnarly it can make even the hardiest of parents nauseous. That’s what happened to father Ben Patterson, whose son Declan retched so badly in his car seat that Ben had to share it with his wife via text. And lucky for us, he also shared those texts with the Internet.
Ben tells his wife that after Declan threw up, the smell was so bad that he himself threw up. It’s rough being a sympathetic puker. His wife didn’t respond. (Understandable.)
Then, things got worse.
That’s right. Both a bystander AND the cops thought Ben was drunk, and he had to pass a breathalyzer before getting back in the car.
After that, there wasn’t much for Ben to do but send a few more futile texts to his wife, who continued to stay silent.
“Rotting whale blubber” is something we’ve never smelled, but somehow we know it’s a dead-on description. Stay safe out there, parents.
(via source)
How Grandma Got Her Groove Back
“Was visiting my grandma and found this photo of her New Year’s cruise. What the hell, grandma?!”
(via source)
Selfie Expression
“We decided to spoof my son’s Facebook profile photo. How did we do?”
(via source)
Super Squeamish
“My daughter made a friend at DragonCon, but he wasn’t too sure about her.”
(via source)
License To Thrill
“This is my girlfriend’s actual, state-given license plate: PRN-6969.”
(via source)
Baby vs. Eardrums
“Have a baby, they said. It will be fun, they said. Decibel meter for reference.
For comparison, 109 decibels is louder than: a power mower, a subway train at 200 ft, a train whistle at 500 ft, a rock concert, and timpani drums.
(via source)
This Dad Is An Expert At Photobombing His Teenage Daughter
Fatherhood comes with countless responsibilities, but perhaps the most important is messing with your teenage children. This father understands that, and we can all learn from his example.
Twitter user @jolitamarie shared a story of her Dad’s expert pranking, in the form of a photobomb:
So my mom wanted to take pictures of her “cute lil baby” and my dad decided to photo bomb.. obviously I wasn’t feeling it. pic.twitter.com/PWeBWxaJJb
— jmarie (@jolitamarie) December 26, 2016
Jolita and her Mom went out to the driveway for a shoot. Dad’s Dad Senses sensed an opportunity, and he followed them:
He struck a pose mimicking his daughter’s, (always a strong Dad move.) Whether Mom started laughing, or she just sensed someone was behind her, his daughter quickly caught on:
Being caught didn’t stop him, and he kept on posing for the rest of the shoot:
Well done, Dad. And to all the fathers out there, we hope you’re taking notes.
(via source)
