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Wedding Summons

“My aunt is marrying a sheriff. Their invitation nearly gave everyone a heart attack.”

(via source)

Me, My Selfie, And I

“A 2017 kind of photo from my sister’s wedding.”

(via source)

The Ultimate Soft-Sell

“He really didn’t want to sell his beloved Subaru.”

Full disclosure, I always promised my wife that when we were ‘with child’ I would part with my beloved 2003 Subaru WRX so we could buy some minivan/SUV monstrosity with a rear window big enough to put those infuriating family stickers on. So this ad is a good faith effort. For sale: the last vestige of my youth. 

Mileage: 85,000 miles. Almost all city miles. I’m everything that is bad about a WRX owner, so rest-assured that most of those 85k miles were spent at full throttle, rapidly accelerating in and out of 7-11 parking lots. 

Maintenance: the car has had a few issues over the years. Oil changes ever 4-5k miles or every 6 months. Exclusively worked on by establishments that employ a spinning sign guy out front. The car rattles a bit and pulls hard to the left, just like a real NASCAR! 

Other issues: cup holders are small (Japanese engineers in 2003 had no idea how far we would come.) Water pump was purchased from an Indian burial ground, so the car is slightly haunted. 

See attached pictures. I’ve had multiple people email me and ask me for a better picture of the car. My response: no, but I will send you more pictures of the dents. 

If you want to come by and see the car, great. It has to be a time when my wife is home so she can see that I actually put the car up. Any attempts to negotiate will result in price increases. 

(via source)

The Last Lion

“My dad was told to ‘dress appropriately’ for his team meeting in The Churchill Rooms.”

(via source)

Optical Delusion

“Using photobooth, I caught my dad at a bad angle.”

(via source)

That Bites

“I was taking a picture of my daughter when I noticed a mosquito on her face. Later, this happened to her.”

(via source)

Grandson Al Dente

“What kind of person cooks 15 lbs of multicolored spaghetti, then pours it in a bathtub so a 5-year-old can squish around? A grandma.”

(via source)

Mr. Hipster

“My 6-year-old dad trying on new fashions at Urban Outfitters.”

(via source)

Call Of The Wild

“I was viciously attacked by a wolf this weekend while my family looked on.”

(via source)

Headed For Splitsville

“My family in the last picture taken before the divorce.”

(submitted by Bill)