Behind The Awkwardness
Sweet ‘N Low
“Katie, an awkward sophomore who still boasts acne in equal proportion to her freckles, sighed in an overt and desperate sort of way while staring out at the Pacific Ocean from on-board a cruise ship. She was spending her sixteenth birthday away at sea, without her friends or siblings, just her and her parents and her godparents. (This is the part where you roll your eyes, add the appropriate “#firstworldproblems” tag, and lament at my ungratefulness.)
However, fear not, her adoring parents and godparents found a solution to her woe. They knew that her sixteenth birthday was a special time, after all, sixteenth birthdays are the quinceaneras and bar mitzvahs of white people. It was important to commemorate such a wonderful day. Yes, her parents and godparents had planned ahead of time for this special day. First off, they made Katie wear an obnoxious black and pink t-shirt announcing her special day, in addition to a plastic tiara and a light-up button that was more obnoxious than the Las Vegas skyline. However, it wasn’t enough for Katie to be decked-out, they needed to ensure that everyone around them also knew of their love and appreciation of Katie. What better way to show their love than to make t-shirts with Katie’s face on them? You read that right – FACE T-SHIRTS.
All day, the cruise-goers (aka AARP members) snickered quietly while sipping their gin and tonic. Through the day, Katie was forced to play cruise ship trivia games (“Excuse me,” her mom would reiterate to the crew-member-turned-Pat-Sajak, “our team name is ‘Kate’s Sweet Sixteen Crew’”). Finally, dinner arrived and Katie looked forward to the relief of dessert and ending this day of public embarrassment. As the waiter brought out the candle-adorned dessert, Katie spotted her parents and godparents stealthily reaching into their pockets in anticipation–could it be? Yes it could. Oh my god. KAZOOS.
Katie proceeds to tuck her chin in and stare intently at her dessert as she experiences the kazoo-rendition of “Happy Birthday.” As far as she is concerned, her parents and godparents are dead to her. But that night, while chatting on Facebook and avoiding genuine intellectual pursuits, she realizes that her birthday of face t-shirts and kazoos makes a damn good story. (And also a great submission to awkwardfamilyphotos.com!) And for that moment, she is at peace knowing that at some point in the future, she’ll repeat this story to her therapist or maybe her blog audience…”
(submitted by Katherine)
A Is For Awesome
“We got family pictures done a couple of months ago and I thought that this was a genius idea. It came out terrifying. The A was supposed to be for awesome.”
(submitted by Tiye)
Balancing Acts
“My grandpa, my dad and myself. Making three generations of wives worried sick.”
(via Sandite5)
Recreating The Awkwardness
“My mom has been hinting around to us for a while now that she wanted me and my brother to “surprise” her with some recreated photos. We finally surprised her this past birthday with some.”
(submitted by Melissa)
The Band-Aid
“This is my first grade school picture. I was still healing from a very nasty bike wreck where I completely ate it on a huge hill and took a big chunk out of my forehead and broke my middle finger, among other general road rash nasties. I guess it didn’t bother me too badly- either that or I had the fake smile down-pat. I have to give props to my mom who ordered a complete package of photos from this year just like every other… giant band-aid and all.”
(submitted by Susan)
Harriet Potter
“This is my 4th grade school picture- it was in the yearbook, the one I gave to my friends, family, grandmas, even my 4th grade crush. At the time, I didn’t think anything was wrong with my smile. There are tons of pictures of me as a kid around that age where I smiled like that. It wasn’t until I got older & looked back that I realized how utterly ridiculous I looked. I also think the glasses just tie the whole thing together. I truly look like Harry Potter’s long lost sister.”
(submitted by Delaina)
Twinsies
“My mom thought it would be a good idea to cut my hair like hers, get me an outfit like hers, and get our picture taken in front of a field. I didn’t.”
(submitted by Kerrie)
Guess Who Came To Dinner
“This photo was from a period in my life my family inappropriately calls “The Chernobyl Years” (to describe the awkward phase of re-growth after all my hair fell out when I was about three.) It was taken at home, but I have absolutely no idea who the guy is. I asked my parents and other members of my family and no one can identify him. Clearly, he whispered something terrifying into my ear and it made my eyebrows fall off and turned my hand into a dead house spider.”
(submitted by Lindsay)
Burn It Like Beckham
“It was travel soccer that year and a family photographer thought the flame was a good idea.”
(submitted by Elliot)
Killer Clown
“Circa 1990, I was in first grade and I came down with a stomach flu. My Mom had purchased tickets to take my brother and I to the circus before I fell ill. The night we went ended up being the best I’d felt in days, but she probably shouldn’t have taken me. We get there, it’s fun, we’re watching everything. Then she wants a refreshment so we go up to the beverage stand and see this jolly killer clown posing for professional photos. My Mom asked us if we wanted our photo taken and between my 3-year-old brother and my flu-induced stoicism, she took that for an affirmative response. You can see our shear discomfort, I wouldn’t call it “terror” because no one is crying. But I think we knew that if we made a wrong move during that photo, we’d be put into cocoons to be harvested and eaten at a later time.
Bonus- after we returned to our seats, I dry heaved repeatedly (I’d eaten some orange circus peanuts) in the aisle way of the arena, to the sheer HORROR of the patrons behind us. That is when we left.”
(submitted by Chelsea)
